The One Hidden Belief That Was Sabotaging My Business

“If you accept a limiting belief, then it will become a truth for you.” ~Louise Hay

When I first set out to create my business, I poured all my hopes and energy into it working tirelessly, learning, refining, and investing. Since childhood, I knew I wanted to do my own thing. Something that felt meaningful to me. But despite all my best efforts, the success and sense of support and steadiness I longed for always felt out of reach.

I chalked it to timing, or not doing enough, or missing something others had that I couldn’t put my finger on. But all along, what was behind the stuckness was a force I’d never considered—conditioning.

Conditioning is the learned behaviors and beliefs we adopt as children to feel safe, loved, and accepted. These patterns become so ingrained that we don’t realize they follow us into adulthood. But do they ever, shaping how we approach everything, including our ambitions and relationships.

My own deconditioning journey has spanned years and, my goodness, the layers… but one of the densest and most sabotaging was this: I was raised to believe that being misunderstood was unsafe.

My childhood experiences taught me that expressing myself with honesty or assertiveness could come at a mega cost, and I carried this lesson into my life and business (like nobody’s business), without even realizing it.

As I began to share my work with the world, I felt an anxious compulsion to prove myself and my approach exhaustively. I couldn’t shake the picture of a hostile audience judging every word I wrote or spoke, so instead of focusing on how my work could solve a problem for potential clients, I was caught up in an endless loop of over-explaining, justifying, and defending my ideas—before anyone even questioned them.

I wasn’t marketing my work as much as I was making a case in a courtroom of my own projection. It was the worst. It drained my energy, sabotaged my business, and made showing up for it feel like a rerun of a past I thought I’d outgrown.

Seeing this and other aspects of my conditioning for what it was (distinct from me and a coping mechanism from the past) took a lot work. My unique path included estranging from toxic family dynamics, moving from Brooklyn to a very calm corner of Italy, quitting alcohol and cigarettes, and hiring a coach who understood where I came from and where I wanted to go and could go as deep with me as I knew was required.

I don’t believe it’s a fair ask to release aspects of our conditioning (regardless of how limiting they are) when our lives and relationships don’t feel safe, and it took creating safety, cogency, and self-trust to start seeing all at the ways coping had kept me from thriving.

The first step toward breaking free of the anxious over-explaining pattern was noticing how it felt in my body. I’d feel the anxiety rise, and then survival mode would take over whenever I tried to communicate my work with directness.

More than once, my jaw would lock, my head would go fuzzy, and my throat would collapse if too much truth, confidence, or opinion came to the surface.

This wasn’t a personality quirk; it was an echo of the past, manifesting in the present.

Inner child work was the medicine for this—when those feelings welled up and the impulse to shut down or over-explain would come up, I’d picture little me sitting on my lap and I’d hold her through the fear, reminding her that she was feeling the past, not the present. That she wasn’t alone in this and wouldn’t be ever again. And then I’d lean in and say the thing.

As I sat with those feelings, acknowledging them instead of letting them direct my actions, something shifted. I was re-parenting that vulnerable part of me that had once believed it was dangerous to be seen and heard and showing her that we could walk past those fear thresholds together. And so, we have, more and more every day.

Letting go of this need to defend myself, I found both clarity and a sturdier sense of being safe in my own skin than when I only had the conditioning to protect me.

And when it came to my work and business, my focus could center on what truly mattered: serving my clients and making my work clear and accessible, not to the critic within but to people, real people who are looking for change.

The impact was immediate. Communicating with clients became smoother, and even tasks I’d once dreaded—like getting on sales calls—felt natural, grounded, and friendly. It opened the door to a new kind of productivity, one fueled by purpose rather than “headless chicken” survival. Thank heavens. Really.

If you’re finding it difficult to make things happen as you envisioned them, it may not be about working harder or finding the perfect moment. It could be that unseen patterns of conditioning are guiding your actions, just as they were guiding mine.

The beauty of recognizing these patterns is the freedom that opens up.

When you let go of outdated beliefs and create space to move forward from a grounded, present, clear-eyed place, ambitions start to feel within reach because the truth is, they kind of are.

What can feel impossible or out of reach or alignment becomes so much less charged and so much more achievable when we’re no longer fighting these unseen barriers.

It isn’t always easy work, and it requires a commitment to challenge familiar beliefs, reach for support, and sometimes make some big changes. But if you’re willing to face your hidden patterns, you might just find that what you want is far closer than it once seemed.

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About Mel Wilder

Melanie’s a coach whose work dismantles the hidden conditioning that keeps women stuck, helping them build thriving businesses that are as aligned as they are successful. Drawing from decades of personal and professional exploration, she’s developed a transformative approach that applies principles of personal healing and self-discovery to the journey of entrepreneurship. Visit her at thebodycure.net.

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Divorce: A Portal to Reclaiming My Authentic Self

“The only journey is the one within.” ~Rainer Maria Rilke

Navigating life after divorce has been the hardest thing I’ve ever done, but divorce also contained the best gifts I have ever received. My whole world was shaken up and rearranged. The shake-up included a loss of career and becoming a mostly solo parent on top of the divorce.

From the rubble of my old life, I got the chance to build something new, authentic, and fresh. Divorce was a painful portal to powerfully reclaiming myself and my life. Through the rebuilding process, I found strength and clarity in ways I never expected.

Before my divorce, I felt anxious all the time, trapped in a constant cycle of wondering if I could be happier and if the problem was me, him, or us. I stayed in an agonizing limbo of “not bad enough to leave, not good enough to stay” for about five years.

My husband at the time would ask “Why can’t you just be happy with what you have?” The question hit me like a punch to the gut. Why couldn’t I? I was constantly questioning myself and my worth.

Looking back on it now, I see that was the wrong question. My husband at the time was largely deflecting from the issues I was bringing to him and making it about me being perpetually unhappy as some kind of default. But it was true that I had inner work to do, and it was up to me to figure out what would make me happy.

I tried everything to fix myself and the marriage—therapy, couples counseling, countless self-help books, and coaching. But the sense of loneliness persisted, especially around parenting, community, and spirituality.

The key challenges that made my marriage deeply unsatisfying for me were money, sex, emotional connection, and identity. For the first three we didn’t share the same values and there was constant friction. Underneath all of that misalignment in the relationship, though, was the fact that my identity had been swallowed up.

First in our company, which was his dream, but I worked tirelessly in it, and then in my role as a mom. But who was I, just for myself? That was the better question.

Eventually, what gave me the strength to leave the marriage was simply giving myself permission to want what I wanted based on knowing who I truly was and believing that whatever was best for me was also best for everyone in my life. I believe all the models of self-help and self-care that I tried contributed to this realization.

I had to believe that I could stand on my own, which was terrifying. But as I started taking small steps, each step, even the hardest ones, gave me the energy to keep going. I began to rebuild something real, authentic, and new.

Of course, it’s impossible to distill the five-year-plus journey into easy steps or “hot” tips. But I want to attempt to narrow it down to the six key insights that got me through, in the hopes it can inspire others too.

These are the six steps I took to use divorce as a portal to reclaim my authentic self.

1. I gave myself permission to want what I wanted.

For so long, I didn’t even know what I wanted. It was buried under years of trying to make everything work and thinking about what others wanted. It felt scary and uncomfortable to give myself permission to truly explore my desires, but once I did everything began to shift.

I admitted to myself that I was ambitious in my own right, that I wanted my own business, and I wasn’t satisfied playing the key supporting role in the family business. I uncovered the secret longing I had for an exciting and equal romantic partnership where I felt seen and valued for the insights, fun, and hard work I bring to my relationships.

Letting myself know what I wanted, taking those swirling locked-up longings from deep inside and forming them into solid words to be spoken out loud—that was the first step toward reclaiming my identity.

2. I identified my core values.

I took time to reflect on what truly mattered to me. Somewhere along the way I had merged values with my husband and his family. I needed to re-evaluate which ones were truly mine. This meant questioning everything from how I approached money to what emotional connection meant to me.

My core personal values of wholeheartedness and adventurousness weren’t engrained in my career nor were they present in my day to day.  While there was nothing inherently dishonest about my life with my husband, our family wasn’t living in the deepest integrity that I longed for.

When I was able to let go of the values that no longer represented me, there was room to discover my true values, which I had suppressed.

3. I worked through old beliefs that were keeping me stuck.

The old narratives that had kept me stuck in my marriage for so long didn’t go away overnight. It took time to unpack them and let go of the guilt, fear, and limiting beliefs that were holding me back.

Particularly sticky was the belief that I was responsible for everyone’s feelings and coping abilities, even grown adults older than myself. Even after we separated, I felt responsible for how my ex was coping and the things he was choosing to do. But once I started working through these mental roadblocks, many of them newly emerging from my subconscious, I felt a sense of freedom I hadn’t experienced in years.

4. I allowed myself dream big—even when it felt impossible.

At the height of my separation, I was overwhelmed by tough decisions—parenting, finances, and the legal process. It felt ridiculous to even think about my dreams, but doing so gave me momentum. Dreaming big gave me a vision for a brighter future, one where I could live authentically. So my message for you is to allow yourself to dream, even when life feels heavy.

5. I set boundaries—both internal and external.

Learning to set boundaries, especially internal ones, helped me protect my energy and focus on rebuilding my life. Whether it was saying “no” to things that drained me or distancing myself from unhealthy dynamics, boundaries were crucial for me to maintain the new connection I had made with my authentic self. The new connection was tender and needed protection.

6. I took small, empowering actions.

Dreaming big was the most important step, but taking small actions was the only way to really feel like things were possible and manageable. Every little action created a ripple effect, surprising me with how much I could accomplish when I started small.

For example, I wanted to become financially free, a multi-layered goal that would take years, so I started with a one-year goal to read six financial literacy books and make a budget. I committed to the small action of reading for five minutes a day and simply recording current expenses on a spreadsheet. I logged my progress in a daily habit tracker.

For my big dream of finding an equal partner, I knew that I would need to be grounded and confident, so I committed to meditating ten minutes a day. There were other bigger leaps that had to be taken along the way of course, but those small daily habits really changed me. Now I read and meditate easily for hours a day, and I relish the time, but I remember when I first started how hard it felt to do even five minutes.

—

It took me years, close to a decade, to reflect on and finally see the steps I took to get to where I am today. I hope it doesn’t take that long for anyone reading this who is navigating divorce. Please use these and apply them to your own situation. I hope they serve as a reminder that even though the journey is hard, there’s immense strength, growth, and rebirth waiting on the other side. Go get it!

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About Vanessa Gladden

Vanessa is a life coach for women rebuilding their lives after divorce. Her mission is to guide women through the many post-divorce transitions they face, to find clarity and direction, AND to make a plan so they can live confidently and get excited about their future again! If you want to learn more about the transitions Vanessa faced in her journey, grab her free guide to Navigating 5 Key Life Transitions After Divorce.

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Lessons from Death and Awakening to an Authentic Life

“Life doesn’t owe us anything. We only owe ourselves, to make the most of the life we are living, of the time we have left, and to live in gratitude.” ~Bronnie Ware

Today, I’d like to tell a story about death.

It’s a word that tends to shift the energy in a room, isn’t it? People tense up, lean back, or grow silent. Death is often seen as morbid, something to avoid or fear. But I’ve come to see it differently. The more we speak about death with openness and reverence, the less heavy and frightening it feels.

My earliest experiences of death were when my grandparents passed away. I remember the moment my parents told us about one of my grandfather’s deaths. The atmosphere was so tense, so thick with unspoken grief. I was five or six and wanted to laugh. It wasn’t disrespect or indifference—I now realize it was my body’s way of releasing the unbearable tension in the room.

But the most profound experience of death came when my mother passed away. I was twenty-six. Almost twenty years ago. She had cancer.

I spent long, quiet days with her in that stark, clinical hospital room. I vividly remember the stairs—climbing them one at a time, deliberately slow, as if dragging my feet might delay the inevitable. Each step felt heavy, as though I could somehow resist the truth waiting on that floor.

I remember not knowing what to say or do, especially as she told me, “It’s hard.”

I think she held back her tears for my sake, just as I held back mine for hers.

Part of us denied the truth. Part of us clung to hope. And part of us knew the inevitable was coming.

Looking back, I wish we had cried together. I wish we had allowed ourselves to fully feel the grief, the sadness, the heaviness of it all. Instead, we put on brave faces, trying to protect each other. But what were we protecting? We were both struggling.

If I knew then what I know now, I would have approached her final days differently. I would have offered her a soft space to breathe, to release, to let go of the grasping. I would have guided her into that transition with love, reminding her she was returning to the beautiful energy of the universe, back to the souls she loved.

I would have told her I loved her. Many times over those last few weeks together.

I carried the weight of guilt for years, particularly over not being with her in the exact moment she passed. She transitioned in the middle of the night while my sister and I were sleeping at home.

But now, I choose to believe she wasn’t alone. Perhaps she was supported by the unseen forces in the soul field, her guides, and her loved ones on the other side. No one knows what happens after we die, but I find this thought comforting.

I’ve come to believe we need to talk about death—not to dwell on it but to embrace its truth. Death is part of life. It’s a cycle—a beginning, a middle, and an end.

When I returned to Florida after her passing, I was in shock. Everything felt different, small compared to the immensity of what I had just experienced. Parties and drinking no longer appealed to me. My relationship felt empty, and I couldn’t even remember why I was in it. My job felt meaningless.

Death had brought to my attention a way deeper understanding of impermanence, driving a quiet urgency to reevaluate my life. Not a frantic urgency but a deep realization that life is short. Life is precious. That realization was life-affirming.

Each breath matters. Each moment matters. It made me ask:

• Where am I spending my energy?
• With whom?
• What am I serving?
• What am I contributing to this world?

This questioning was the beginning of my expansion. It wasn’t linear—there were steps forward and plenty backward—but it set me on a path toward alignment with my evolving truth.

I believe we must live with an awareness of death. Not just intellectually but deeply, in our bones. When we truly embody the knowledge that we will die—perhaps even today—it reshapes how we live.

Buddhist teachings encourage meditating on death, imagining one’s own passing. It’s not morbid; it’s clarifying. If you knew you might die today, how would you live?

In The Top Five Regrets of the Dying, Bronnie Ware shares wisdom from her years as a palliative care nurse. These are the most common regrets she heard:

1. “I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.”

2. “I wish I hadn’t worked so hard.”

3. “I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.”

4. “I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.”

5. “I wish I had let myself be happier.”

These resonate deeply with me. When my mother passed, I unknowingly began a journey to align my life with these truths. I’ll admit I’m still working on the five of them. Life has a way of distracting us from what matters most.

But this is my reminder to myself—and to you—as we near the end of the year:

Slow down. Take a step back. Reflect on how far you’ve come and where you want to go next.

My wish for you is to reflect on this. Let the thought of your mortality infuse your life with intention—not pressure, but clarity. Maybe you’ll realize that what matters most is spending time with loved ones. Maybe it’s pursuing a dream, letting go of a grudge, or simply savoring the gift of being alive.

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About Dorothee Marossero

Dorothee is a conscious, compassionate empowerment coach who is redefining what women were conditioned to believe success, beauty, and life ought to be. Dorothee supports women who are struggling with a harsh inner critic, a sense of misalignment, and lack of clarity in their life, to reconnect to their inner-powers and rediscover self-love, presence, and joy. Download her FREE booklet: "Nurturing Harmony: A Guide To Thriving As A Highly Sensitive Being." here IG: @dorotheemarossero

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Dry January: How It Creates Space for a Better Life

“I think this is the start of something really big. Sometimes that first step is the hardest one, and we’ve just taken it.” ~Steve Jobs

I’ve had a dysfunctional relationship with alcohol for almost as long as I’ve been drinking. I was mostly a binge drinker through college and into my twenties and thirties. I could drink “normally” sometimes, but I never really knew if I would stop at two or ten. Two felt okay, but ten would land me blacked out and barefoot on the bar, which was never a good look for me.

It scares me now to think about all the things I did after too many Crown and cokes, but I didn’t think much of it at the time. Everyone was drinking heavily. It was part of the culture of the people I surrounded myself with. Hangovers were badges of honor, and blackouts, provided nothing horrible happened, became funny stories to tell the next day over greasy fast food eaten to soak up the vodka from the night before.

It wasn’t until I got into my forties that I really started to question my relationship with alcohol. In 2016, shortly after turning forty, my drinking went off the rails. At the time I was raising four young children in a blended family, and I was trying to stay afloat in a job that expected more of me than I was capable of giving.

Despite the stress, by all appearances, I had it all together. Good job, healthy family, a roof over our heads, and a minivan in the garage. But on the inside, I was deeply struggling with depression and anxiety, both worsened by the extent of my drinking.

As the year went on, things got steadily worse.

My weekend drinking morphed into drinking one, sometimes two, bottles of wine every night. The hangovers started to last days, taking me out of work and keeping me from showing up for my family. My blackouts got scarier and more frequent, once landing me walking down MacDill Avenue alone and barefoot in the middle of the night with no memory of it the next day. My depression and anxiety became completely unmanageable, to the point that I made attempts on my life twice that year, both times incredibly drunk.

I tried multiple times over the course of 2016 to stop drinking. But each time, in the back of my mind, I was, as Laura McKowen talks about, looking for the third door. I was sure there was an option between drinking like I was and stopping completely. I wanted so badly to be able to drink “normally,” but every time I stopped and then tried drinking again, I went straight back off the rails.

Interestingly, it was an ordinary night (or day, really) of drinking in early January 2017 that finally brought me to my knees.

On January 1, 2017, my husband took the kids to the pool so I could recoup from a cold that I’d been fighting. Instead of resting, I sat on the back porch and drank two bottles of wine. Nothing terrible happened, but I woke up the next morning with a deep knowing that something had to change. I was, quite literally, sick of my own bullshit.

I once heard John Mayer talk about getting sober, and he said that he asked himself, “Ok John, what percentage of your potential would you like to have?” He decided he wanted 100%, and that couldn’t happen if he kept drinking.

That January morning, after an ordinary night of drinking, I asked myself the same thing, and it became clear that I was only living up to a fraction of my potential because I spent so much of my time drinking, thinking about drinking, and recovering from drinking.

I lay in bed that morning for hours with tears of fear and relief streaming down my face. I was terrified I wouldn’t be able to stay sober but so relieved that I was calling myself on my own shit. I was finally ready to be done for real.

Because I was ready at that point, I threw the kitchen sink at it. I journaled, meditated, moved my body, stayed close to quit lit and podcasts on living alcohol-free, and so much more. I made it my number one priority.

For a while, nothing got as much attention as my recovery. Not my husband. Not my kids. Not keeping up with housework. Nothing. I focused all of my energy on saving my life for several months. And there was guilt around focusing so hard on myself at the expense of giving attention to my family, but, as I look back now, I’d do it again the same way. My husband and my kids have so much more of me now than they did when I was drinking.

Dry January doesn’t have to be just a month of not drinking; it can be the start of something bigger. It can be the start of building a life that you love. A life that doesn’t have room for alcohol because it is so much better and brighter without it.

I was able to see this process of getting sober as additive (adding in the practices that support and nourish my whole being) rather than just a subtractive process of giving up alcohol. And this is how I encourage you to look at it. As an opportunity rather than a life sentence. As something joyful and meaningful rather than something punitive. As a chance to build a life you don’t need or want to numb out from.

Choosing to stop drinking is one of the most courageous decisions you can make. But courage alone isn’t enough; it takes tools, support, and a willingness to try new things to truly thrive.

If you’re reading this and thinking, “That’s me,” I want you to know you’re not alone. The road to living alcohol-free isn’t easy, but it is possible—and it’s worth every step.

When I started my journey, these tools became my lifeline. They gave me the structure I needed to reclaim my life, and they can do the same for you.

Find Connection

Johann Hari famously said, “The opposite of addiction isn’t sobriety. It’s connection.” Go to meetings (and there are so many options other than AA these days, my favorite being an online meeting platform called The Luckiest Club founded by Laura McKowen).

Find a sober friend to help you stay accountable.

Search for sober Facebook groups in your area and post a query for anyone wanting to meet for coffee.

Lean into the love of your family and friends who may not be sober but support your journey.

Whatever connection looks like for you, find a place where you can talk about your decision to not drink. Find people who know what it’s like to navigate a world soaked in alcohol without drinking. Talk about the challenges and talk about the triumphs. Whatever you do, don’t keep it inside.

Find Support

There are so many avenues for support these days. You can reach out to a therapist or coach. You can engage the help of your primary care doctor. You can find medication-assisted therapy and talk therapy online.

It’s important to reach out to professionals who can help guide you in the right direction. With so many ideas and recommendations out there for how to quit, it can be incredibly helpful to talk with someone who can help you sift through your options and figure out what will move the needle the quickest.

Try New Things

Dry January is the perfect time to try new things. If something sounds interesting, give it a go.

I tried watercolors, knitting, pulling tarot cards, every type of meditation known to humans, and so much more. Not everything stuck, but trying out different things occupied my time, challenged my mind, and gave me some useful distractions for when cravings hit. The things that did stick (Muse Headband meditations, journaling, and pulling tarot cards) are still the things that I credit with keeping me sober today.

Meditate

Meditation has been a game-changer for so many in recovery, and there’s a good reason for that. The smart and rational part of our brain (our prefrontal cortex) largely goes offline when we’re drinking excessively. Meditation is the best way to regain access to this part of the brain that makes healthy decisions.

There are so many techniques to try. Emotional Freedom Technique, binaural beats, biofeedback (MUSE headband or the like) meditations, guided meditations…just to name a few. It doesn’t matter how you do it, just that you do it. Aim for three to five minutes to start and build from there.

Educate Yourself

There are tons of amazing books on sobriety these days. Memoirs and “how to” guides abound. Two of my favorite books for early sobriety are This Naked Mind by Annie Grace and Quit Like a Woman by Holly Whitaker. There are also some great podcasts out there (a quick Google search will point you in the right direction).

It’s important to hear stories of other people’s struggles and successes. It’s useful to learn about the effects of alcohol on the brain and body. We all know that knowledge is power, and knowing the truth about alcohol very often gives you the power you need to be done.

As you move into January this year, remember, it’s not about what you’re giving up but what you’re making space for. This month could be the beginning of a deeper transformation, one that helps you uncover the best version of yourself. The tools, support, and determination you need are within reach—this is your moment to take a breath and leap.

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About Whitney Combs

Whitney is a nationally board-certified health and wellness coach with nearly a decade of experience guiding women to reclaim control over their relationship with alcohol. Through her personalized one-on-one coaching, Whitney empowers women to create a lasting, sustainable recovery with a clear, structured approach. You can find Whitney on Instagram (@whitney.combs) and you can read more about her approach to recovery and schedule a discovery call on her website, www.whitneycombs.com.

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10 Holiday Quotes for Comfort, Peace, and Perspective

The holidays can be a magical time, filled with beautiful memories and traditions that remind us of what truly matters in life. It can also be emotionally fraught for anyone who’s struggling with financial insecurity, depression, or grief.

This year has been especially challenging for me personally, for reasons I’ll possibly share some time in the future. For now, I am focusing on my family and the gift of today and soaking up joy wherever I can find it.

And I’m putting these messages out into the world, hoping they reach those who need them and provide a little comfort, perspective, and peace.

Sending you all my love this holiday season!

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About Lori Deschene

Lori Deschene is the founder of Tiny Buddha. She started the site after struggling with depression, bulimia, c-PTSD, and toxic shame so she could recycle her former pain into something useful and inspire others do the same. She recently created the Breaking Barriers to Self-Care eCourse to help people overcome internal blocks to meeting their needs—so they can feel their best, be their best, and live their best possible life. If you’re ready to start thriving instead of merely surviving, you can learn more and get instant access here.

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I Might Fail, but Time Won’t Just Pass Me By

“It’s not about time, it’s about choices. How are you spending your choices?” ~Beverly Adamo

You hit a point in life after which choices seem to become less and less reversible. As if they were engraved in stone.

No matter how many motivational posts about following your own timeline and going at your own pace cross your Instagram wall.

No matter how much you try to convince yourself that it’s never too late to start a new career, move into a new house, or find the right person. It’s not that you don’t believe it—it just does not work for you. It’s okay for other people to follow their dreams and dance to their own rhythm. But not for you.

You feel like you’re in school again, falling behind.

The more you tell yourself that you don’t have to live up to anyone’s expectations, the more you realize the only person you’re afraid to disappoint is the one looking back at you in the mirror.

I used to listen to this song that goes,

I wake up in the middle of night

It’s like I can feel time moving

And I did. I did wake up at 3:00 a.m., haunted by question marks.

And to think that I was doing everything right! I had graduated, moved in with my boyfriend, and started working as a teacher. I had a spotless resume.

Still, I was obsessed with the idea of time moving. Of time unstoppably reaching the point after which I simply would’ve had no choice but to stop seeing my situation as temporary and resign to the fact that no greater idea had come to my mind—and that I was stuck with that.

With my daily life in the classroom.

Now don’t get me wrong. I am not one of those people who ended up teaching because they couldn’t get a better job. On the contrary, teaching has always been my passion. It still is.

The classroom, on the other hand…

There was not a single day in my four years as a teacher during which I really thought this could be a good fit for me in the long run. Not once.

There were bad days, good days. “Easy” classes, tough classes. Small victories, daily failures. Parents who wanted to sue me and students who wanted me to adopt them—one of those end-of-the-school-year letters still hangs on my fridge. But each and every one of those days, I knew I wanted this to be temporary.

I didn’t want to stay in the classroom forever.

It’s hard to pin it down. All I wanted to do was to be myself and teach something I love. But, as a teacher, you and your students don’t exist in a bubble. You’re very much intertwined with the complicated, emotionally loaded context of the classroom. So, you’re forced to impersonate the role of the Teacher.

Unlike me, the Teacher was able to come to terms with the pressing matter of relevance. I knew that most of the curriculum I had to teach, and the way in which I had to teach it, was so far removed from the reality of my students that no amount of interactive lesson plans and student-centered methodologies could help me get the point across.

As the Teacher, I was supposed to feel comfortable in the role, to identify myself with it rather than question it every step of the way. I just didn’t feel at ease. As a facilitator, as a guide, as a tutor, I’d always felt whole—not as a teacher. As much as I admired and respected those who did, I couldn’t do the same.

I really, really did everything I could to solve my issues.

I tried to fake it ‘til I made it. I read all the books. Attended all the courses. Shared my thoughts.

Every time I told someone how I felt, they would reply with all the right things.

That it’s just the first few years, until you get used to it, and I’m sure it is true—for me.

That you’re actually really doing something for the kids, that you’re making a difference—and I don’t doubt that teachers do make a difference. Just not me.

That you need to come to terms with the fact that, no matter what your job is, it is not supposed to be fun or fulfilling. But, as whiny as it might sound, that’s what I needed it to be.

Maybe not perfect, maybe not idyllic, but please, please, please not meaningless.

And then the intruding thought: “What, ‘cause you’re special? ‘Cause you’re too good to just get by, day in and day out, like everyone does?”

I’ve always worried about being difficult, and I really wanted it to work, so that sensation of having to crawl into someone else’s skin every day when I got into the classroom—I just tried to push it aside. To swallow it down and get myself together.

Still, it was there, and the only way to stop it was to think that it could be temporary after all.

Just until you find a better job.

Just until you come up with something else.

Just until you find out what the hell is wrong with you.

The only thing that managed to distract me was studying. I would come home and study, trying to keep my mind alive, trying to keep it dreaming, trying to keep it learning.

I invested time and money, draining all my energies. I was constantly tired from the effort of basically being a full-time student on top of a full-time job. Luckily, I had the support of my boyfriend—later, husband—who had no idea what it all would amount to but could see that I needed it.

It’s not like I had a project, though. I ached for meaning. I needed to learn something that felt real to me.

That’s how I started to dig into languages. Here was something that felt relevant, immediate. You could learn it and use it straight away. You could communicate—something I just wasn’t able to do in my classroom teaching.

I passed exams. I passed more exams. I kept piling up certificates and prayed that one day it would all start to sort of look like a plan. Before it was too late, before I had to admit to just being an overachieving, overqualified teacher.

I knew the danger—some people, when they’re unhappy, just give up and become passive. Others, like me, do the opposite. They keep spinning their wheels because, as long as you’re busy, you don’t have to face the reality of how you feel.

That’s what hit me every time I woke up at three am. How much time did I still have to change tracks? How long before it was too late for me?

It’s like I can feel time moving…

I wish I could tell you that I finally found my way and that this is a story of success. The truth is, I don’t know if it will ever be.

Last Christmas I suddenly realized my personal hourglass had run out of sand. I just knew that if I set foot again in the classroom in September, it would no longer be temporary. I felt this was my last chance to try and do something different before giving up for good.

I stopped waiting for the universe to reveal its mysterious plans and took my fate into my own hands. Teaching outside the classroom was something I had always vaguely dreamed of doing but never dared to.

What if I’m not good enough?

What if I don’t earn enough?

What if it feels even worse than in the classroom—and would that mean that the problem was really just me all along, no matter what I do and where I do it?

What if I messed up my plan B, too? What then?

I just finally said, “To hell with it.” There must be a bit of truth in all those Instagram motivational posts, right?

As of now, I am trying to build a career as a tutor and language teacher for adults, and I have no idea if I am going to make it.

I closed my eyes and jumped right in, expecting the water to be icy cold, but it wasn’t. I braced myself for the anxiety this new uncertainty would bring with it, just to find that I actually feel at peace.

There are plans to make, problems to solve, no financial stability, and no guarantee of success—something my perfectionist self can hardly manage. And still, it feels far less daunting and menacing than time slowly gnawing at me.

I wish I could tell you that this story has a moral.

That you should stop listening to good advice and common sense and just follow your guts, and that you may be surprised by how much unexpected support you receive or how little you need.

That you shouldn’t try so hard to be something you’re not at all costs.

That there are many ways to find meaning, and no one can tell you how to do it for yourself.

That sometimes giving up takes more courage than sticking with something until it becomes routine.

But, to tell the truth, I don’t feel like it was brave of me to change paths. It wasn’t about choosing the easiest or the hardest thing—it was about choosing the honest thing.

I wish I could tell you I no longer wake up in the middle of the night, but the truth is, I do, because I’m so caught up in this new adventure that I really can’t stop jotting down ideas and looking for job opportunities.

I know I don’t have to prove myself to anyone, and I also know that I can’t help but feel like I should, and that’s okay too.

I know I might fail, and I’m not so bold as to plainly say I don’t care if I do. I actually do care, a lot.

But one thing’s for sure—I no longer live in the fear of time passing me by.

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About Federica Minozzi

Federica Minozzi (Instagram @federica.minozziteaching) lives in Italy. She is a physicist and teacher of Italian, English, and German. She works as a freelance online tutor and organizes courses about language and language learning. She is also passionate about science education and communication, weightlifting, writing, learning, and self-development. She has an Italian YouTube channel about learning methodologies (@LangolodellaProf).

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How to Ease Anxiety and PTSD: 3 Somatic Exercises to Try

“The body knows how to heal. It just needs the proper conditions.” ~Peter Levine

After ten major reconstructive hip surgeries and almost six cumulative years in a full body cast, I emerged from childhood into my teenage years. My start in life was quite different from those around me. My body would never be like everyone else’s, and I was living in the aftermath of trauma.

I not only had a slew of trauma symptoms but was also deeply wrestling with my identity and had massive amounts of shame, depression, and social anxiety. As you can imagine, I had a hard time fitting in and connecting with others. Feeling comfortable in my own skin was something I never knew.

The discomfort I felt was unbearable, and I knew the only way to feel better in life was to try to figure out how to heal and get to the other side. I held on strongly to the belief that healing was possible, so naturally I started with talk therapy.

Therapy is great, don’t get me wrong, but it wasn’t providing the relief I was searching for. I quickly realized that talking about my experiences helped to broaden and balance my perspective on things, but it wasn’t changing how I felt in my day-to-day life. So I went on a journey exploring and studying many forms of healing. I delved into energy healing, breathwork, art therapy, tantra, and Yamuna body rolling and finally found somatic experiencing.

With much trial and error, I found my way. Some things worked and others didn’t. I learned that there isn’t a ‘one size fits all’ when it comes to healing.

Anxiety and PTSD symptoms are never fun, and they show up in very specific and different ways for each person. I’ve learned that anxiety is energy that is deeply held in the body, and the way most people try and manage it is to brace their body to try and stop it from happening. This pushes it deeper into the body.

It’s important to slowly allow this energy to move. To do so, we need to soften the body and open the energy channels.

I have found these three somatic tools to be quite effective. Maybe they will be for you as well.

Before starting each exercise, I highly recommend you ask yourself, “On a scale of one to ten, how anxious am I?” Give yourself a number, and then at the end of the exercise see if the number has decreased.

1. Slowly articulating the joint

Starting with one foot, slowly move your foot in a circle ten times in one direction. Really focus your mind on the feeling of the ankle joint moving. Then switch directions.

Do this for the other foot and ankle.

If you are lying down on your back, you can do this again for the knee as you hold your thigh, slowly moving your lower leg in a circle ten times before switching directions. Then repeat on the other leg.

If you are standing, you can place your hands on your knees and together slowly move your knees in circles.

Again, remember to give your mind the job of focusing on the knee joints and feeling them move. This helps give the mind something to do while the body can move the energy that has been trapped inside of it.

If standing, you will do this again, making hip circles ten times in both directions.

After this, pause and notice how the lower body feels in comparison to the upper body. It’s crazy the difference you will feel.

Next, you will do this with your wrists, making circles with your hands. You can do this one at a time or both hands—whatever you prefer.

Then your elbows.

And then your shoulders, continuing to do ten circles in one direction and then ten in the other.

Lastly, you will do head circles in both directions.

2. Deep breathing with a voo exhale

A voo exhale? What is that?

That is exactly what I would be asking.

Deep breathing is sometimes helpful, and sometimes it isn’t. But if you try making a voo sound for the entirety of the exhale, it can smooth the chest and abdomen, where most of the anxiety is felt.

So, for this exercise, you will place one hand over your heart and one hand over your belly and take a deep breath. On the exhale you will make a voo sound, all the way to the end of the exhale, similar to saying om in a yoga class. As you do this, think about making the voo sound from your abdomen, not from your throat.

This is an indigenous practice that actually has scientific effects in calming the vagus nerve and the sympathetic nervous system. It moves people into their parasympathetic nervous system, which is the rest and digest part of your nervous system. Making different sounds has different effects on the nervous system, and for anxiety and PTSD, the voo sound is the most effective.

Go ahead and try this for five cycles and see how this is for you. It can be really calming.

3. Visual resourcing

Resourcing is anything that is calming, supportive, or comforting for a person, and it can be done through many avenues. This includes things like talking to a caring, supportive friend, taking a hot bath, or using a weighted blanket.

Visual resourcing is focusing on something visually pleasant. For some people this can be a sparkly or shiny object, and for others it can be watching the leaves gently blow in the breeze.

Note that for some people, if they look off in the distance, it has an even greater calming effect, and that others might prefer looking at objects that are closer to them.

Go ahead and look around you and find the most pleasant and pleasing thing to look at. Then hold  your gaze here and notice the effects this has for you.

This somatic tool can easily be combined with the prior tool listed above.

In Conclusion

When we experience trauma and are wrestling in the aftermath of symptoms, life can feel daunting. Many people feel very discouraged and overwhelmed with where and how to start healing. But try and find the courage to get to the other side. Healing is possible, and it could be one of the most beautiful and sacred journeys you choose to go down.

Trauma symptoms always have psychological and physiological components that happen simultaneously. So, if some of the mindfulness practices don’t work, see if you can find some relief and stabilization with somatic body-based tools.

Wishing you so much love and grace on your journey to recovery.

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About Brianna Anderson

Brianna Anderson is a Somatic Experiencing Practitioner and a forerunner in mind, body & spirit healing. After her own journey of transformation, she has specialized in helping people heal and resolve the effects of trauma. Brianna is the CEO of Healing with Bri and the founder of Ascend, an online program designed to help people resolve trauma and reclaim their lives. You can check out her website here.

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How to Reinvigorate Your Relationship with New Experiences

“After a while, every couple will get bored. That’s why trying new things together is key.” ~Unknown

When life gets busy with work, kids, and the steady hum of daily responsibilities, it’s easy for relationships to fall into a familiar rhythm. Routines are comforting, but they can also lead to a kind of autopilot in love—a state where everything feels predictable and, eventually, a bit uninspired.

My partner and I have a strong bond, but we’d both noticed that something felt… different. It wasn’t bad, but we missed that spark of excitement that had defined our early days together. So we decided to shake things up with some new, shared experiences.

We didn’t make grand plans or book an extravagant vacation. Instead, we chose to weave newness into our relationship in small ways.

We started trying little things that felt unfamiliar, even a bit challenging, to see if we could rekindle the thrill of discovery we’d had in the beginning. And what I discovered was that novelty—no matter how small—has a way of bringing you closer, helping you see each other in a new light and reminding you of why you fell in love in the first place.

Here’s what I learned as we explored together and how these simple shifts helped us reconnect.

1. Reigniting Passion Through Novelty

One of the first things we did was something simple but unexpectedly refreshing: We talked about what made us attracted to each other. I don’t mean the usual compliments but a real conversation about the things we loved, admired, and found endearing about one another.

It felt strange at first—like a conversation we might have had in the early days of dating rather than years into marriage. But as we each shared what made us feel drawn to one another, it brought a sense of excitement back into our connection.

Hearing my partner describe the little quirks and qualities they loved about me was like seeing myself through fresh eyes. It reminded me that attraction isn’t just about the initial spark but about the ways we keep noticing each other.

Psychologists say that novelty can trigger the release of dopamine, the same brain chemical that floods our brains during those early, intense stages of love. For me, this little exercise felt like a reminder of why we fell for each other in the first place.

Since that conversation, we’ve made it a habit to try new things together—whether it’s a different recipe, a walk in a new part of town, or even a conversation about something we’ve never discussed before. These little moments of novelty keep things exciting, reminding me that sometimes, all it takes is a fresh perspective to bring back the thrill.

2. Seeing Each Other in a New Light

One evening, we decided to make a simple dessert together, but we turned it into something a bit more intentional. We dimmed the lights, put on some music, and treated the experience like a date night. At first, it seemed like an ordinary thing to do, but the way we slowed down, paid attention, and enjoyed the process made it feel special. Without our usual distractions, I found myself noticing things about my partner I hadn’t appreciated in a while—their laugh, their patience, the way they enjoyed small details.

It’s funny how easily routine can make us forget the qualities that first made us fall in love. That evening, I felt like I was seeing my partner with fresh eyes. It reminded me that relationships are not only about supporting each other through life’s responsibilities but about genuinely enjoying each other’s company. After that night, I found myself feeling more connected, holding onto those little things I had seen in them that night, like a renewed spark in our relationship.

3. Building Connection Through Silent Presence

One of the most surprising experiences was the time we spent just sitting in silence, holding hands, and focusing on our breathing. We’d decided to try it as a way to calm down after a busy week, but it turned out to be a much deeper experience than I expected. In that quiet moment, without any words or expectations, I felt a connection with my partner that I hadn’t felt in a long time.

At first, it felt strange—like I was supposed to be doing something, saying something. But as I settled into the silence, I realized that sometimes, just being present together is enough.

This kind of non-verbal connection has become a powerful part of our relationship. It showed me that we don’t always need to communicate through words or actions; sometimes, just being fully present can say more than anything. This experience taught us to find peace together, even when the world outside feels busy and overwhelming.

4. Rediscovering Vulnerability Through Playfulness

One of the most fun moments came when we decided to share some of our most embarrassing stories with each other—things we hadn’t talked about in years. We laughed so hard that night, feeling a kind of lightheartedness that was rare amidst our usual routine. It was like peeling back layers and remembering the silly, imperfect parts of ourselves we don’t usually show.

Sharing these vulnerable, sometimes awkward moments brought us closer. Studies show that vulnerability can strengthen trust in relationships, and that night, I realized that it’s not only deep conversations that build intimacy but shared laughter, too.

That lightheartedness brought a fresh sense of joy into our relationship, reminding me of how much fun we have together when we let go of the serious sides of ourselves.

5. Finding Calm Together in Nature

One of the most grounding experiences we’ve tried together has been spending time outdoors without any real agenda. We decided to take a walk in nature one day, moving slowly, letting ourselves relax, and just talking (or not talking) as we went along. It was peaceful, freeing, and a perfect escape from our busy lives.

Being outside, away from everything, reminded me of the simple joy of just being in each other’s presence. Studies show that spending time in nature lowers stress and increases well-being, and sharing that time with someone you love amplifies the effect. After that walk, I felt calmer and more connected. I realized how powerful it is to break away from our usual environment and share a quiet experience in a place where the world feels a little slower.

Final Thoughts: Rediscovering Each Other Through New Experiences

These experiences taught me that novelty doesn’t have to mean grand gestures or expensive trips. Often, it’s the small, intentional changes that bring the biggest rewards. By stepping out of our comfort zone in little ways, we found ourselves rediscovering each other and reconnecting in ways I didn’t think possible.

Trying new things together isn’t just about keeping boredom at bay; it’s about creating shared memories, strengthening your bond, and reminding each other of the excitement that brought you together.

So, if you’re feeling a little too comfortable in your relationship, take a small step outside the usual. Try something different, have a conversation you’ve never had, and see what it does. Sometimes, all it takes to reconnect is a willingness to explore each other from a fresh perspective.

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About Roel de Beer

Roel shares personal insights on bringing excitement back to relationships through shared experiences and stepping out of the comfort zone. Discover more about reconnecting with your partner at Ludiza.com, or try the Ludiza app for guided activities on Android and iOS.

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My Life with ADHD and Anxiety: A Surprising Success Story

“To define yourself is to limit yourself. Without labels you remain the infinite being.” ~Deepak Chopra

Living with both ADHD and anxiety feels like trying to navigate life with your mind constantly racing in a thousand directions at once. It’s frustrating and exhausting, and, at times, it feels like success is out of reach.

But here’s the truth: success is possible. Even when it feels like your brain is working against you, with the right strategies and support, you can thrive.

As a nurse practitioner who has lived with undiagnosed ADHD and anxiety for much of my life, I’ve experienced the struggles that come with both. I’ve been labeled lazy, unteachable, and a lost cause.

But I’ve also learned how to break through those labels and find success on my own terms. It’s not easy, but it’s absolutely achievable.

The Early Years: ADHD and Anxiety in School

Growing up, ADHD wasn’t something people talked about. Kids who had trouble focusing were often written off as lazy or troublemakers. I was one of those kids, but I wasn’t the hyperactive type, so my struggles flew under the radar.

My teachers assumed I wasn’t trying hard enough, but the truth was, I was trying as hard as I could. If a subject didn’t grab my interest, my brain simply couldn’t focus.

The frustration of not being able to retain information or focus made school incredibly difficult. Teachers labeled me as lazy or unteachable, and those labels stuck. By the time I reached high school, I was so far behind that showing up to class felt pointless.

My grades were posted for everyone to see, and every time, I was at the bottom of the list. It felt like the world was constantly reminding me that I was a failure.

As my anxiety grew, I started skipping class regularly. Why show up just to feel like I was being judged? I was already seen as the kid who couldn’t keep up, and every time I walked into a classroom, it felt like a reminder of how far behind I was.

The anxiety of being judged, combined with my ADHD, made it impossible to succeed in that environment.

Hitting Rock Bottom

With no support system in place and a constant sense of failure hanging over me, I turned to unhealthy coping mechanisms. Drugs and alcohol became my escape from the pressure, anxiety, and feelings of inadequacy.

The constant emotional beatdown from teachers, peers, and my own inner voice was too much to bear.

I began to believe that I really was a lost cause. No one seemed to care about my potential, and I certainly didn’t see it myself. Eventually, I was kicked out of my public high school. At the time, it felt like the end of the road for me, but in reality, it was the best thing that could have happened.

Finding a New Path: The Alternative School

After being kicked out of public high school, I was sent to an alternative school, a place for the so-called “bad kids.” This school had a reputation for being where the rejects went—those who were expected to drop out, end up in jail, or get pregnant.

But what I didn’t expect was how this environment would change my life.

At the alternative school, the teachers didn’t care about my past failures. They didn’t look down on me for my low grades or judge me for being behind. Instead, they saw my potential. They worked with me one-on-one, offering me the chance to catch up and even get ahead. For the first time in my life, I felt like someone believed in me.

One teacher in particular recognized my talent for writing and encouraged me to join the school newsletter. I started taking on more responsibility and eventually became the editor. For the first time, I started to see myself as capable and smart.

College and Career: Finding Success Despite ADHD and Anxiety

After graduating from the alternative high school, I had a newfound sense of confidence. For the first time, I believed that college might be an option for me. I started at a community college and eventually transferred to a university, where I earned a bachelor’s degree in journalism and communication studies.

However, after working in journalism for a while, I realized that it wasn’t my true passion. I pivoted and went back to school to pursue a career in nursing. Earning my associate’s degree in nursing was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done, but it was also the most rewarding.

For seven years, I worked in the emergency department, where the fast-paced environment kept my ADHD in check and the constant reminder of life’s fragility put my anxiety in perspective.

Managing ADHD and Anxiety in Adulthood

While I had found success in my career, my ADHD and anxiety didn’t magically disappear. In fact, they became even more noticeable when I transitioned to working as a nurse practitioner.

The COVID-19 pandemic brought an intense level of pressure, and my anxiety skyrocketed. I found myself overthinking every decision, double- and triple-checking my work, and seeking reassurance from colleagues constantly.

It became clear that I needed to develop better strategies for managing both my ADHD and anxiety. Through a combination of medication, mindfulness practices, and a strong support system, I’ve been able to keep both in check.

What Works for Me: Strategies for Managing ADHD and Anxiety

Over the years, I’ve found that managing ADHD and anxiety requires a holistic approach. Medication has been a helpful tool, but it’s not the only answer. I’ve also incorporated practices like meditation, gratitude, and positivity into my daily routine, all of which help me manage my symptoms.

Meditation in particular has been a game-changer. It helps me calm my racing thoughts and stay grounded, especially when my anxiety starts to creep in. Practicing gratitude keeps me focused on the positive aspects of my life, which helps counter the negative self-talk that can sometimes accompany both ADHD and anxiety.

Positivity is another important tool in my toolbox. I’ve learned that staying positive isn’t about pretending everything is perfect—it’s about choosing to focus on what’s going well and using that as motivation to keep pushing forward.

The Importance of Believing in Yourself

Looking back, I realize that one of the biggest turning points in my life was learning to believe in myself. For so long, I had internalized the labels that others had placed on me. But once I started to see my own potential and believe that I was capable of success, everything changed.

ADHD and anxiety don’t define who you are or what you can achieve. Yes, they’re challenges, but they’re also part of what makes you unique.

With the right tools, strategies, and mindset, you can turn those challenges into strengths.

Final Thoughts: Success Is Possible—Keep Pushing Forward

ADHD and anxiety can feel like insurmountable obstacles at times, but they don’t have to hold you back. Success is possible, even if it feels out of reach right now.

You might feel like a lost cause, but you’re not. You’re capable of so much more than you realize.

It doesn’t matter where you started or what labels have been placed on you. What matters is that you keep pushing forward, believe in your potential, and surround yourself with people who support and uplift you.

Whatever struggles you’re facing, they are just part of your story—not the end of it.

Keep going. Success is well within your reach.

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About Melissa McNamara

Melissa McNamara, the creator of Happy Easier, is dedicated to showing that happiness is attainable for everyone. Her blog shares practical, fact-based tips and techniques for leading a healthier and more fulfilling life. As a nurse practitioner, Melissa combines her healthcare expertise with clear, actionable advice. Despite early challenges, she turned difficulties into opportunities for growth, and through Happy Easier, she provides tools to help others achieve lasting happiness.

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Breaking Free from Resentment: My Journey to Finding Peace

“Resentment is like drinking poison and hoping the other person dies.” ~Saint Augustine

For years, I was unknowingly poisoning myself in nearly every relationship—whether romantic, work-related, or friendships. It always followed the same pattern: I’d form a deep attachment, throw myself into the relationship, and give endlessly, hoping that if I gave enough, they’d appreciate and value me.

But instead, it felt like they just took and took, leaving me secretly seething with anger and frustration while I smiled on the outside.

I was doing all the running—couldn’t they see that? Couldn’t they see how hard I was trying? Over time, the exhaustion would set in. Eventually, I’d burn out from the one-sided effort and just give up, walking away hurt and angry, convinced they had wronged me.

Each time, I added another person to my mental list of people I couldn’t trust. With each disappointment, I trusted fewer and fewer people.

To protect myself, I started putting up walls, convincing myself I didn’t need anyone. I told myself I was fine on my own. I’d always be the first to step in and help family or friends, but I wouldn’t allow them to help me. I refused to be vulnerable because, to me, vulnerability meant risking rejection. I believed I could do it all on my own—or at least that’s what I told myself.

When COVID hit, isolation wasn’t a choice anymore—it was forced upon me. Suddenly, I was alone, with no one to turn to because I had pushed everyone away. That’s when I realized just how much resentment had poisoned my life.

Fed up with the weight it placed on my life, I decided to confront it head-on. I let myself fully feel the resentment, allowing it to wash over me like a wave. It wasn’t easy—leaning into those emotions was painful, raw, and uncomfortable.

But in that moment, I realized I wasn’t just angry with a few people—I was carrying resentment for almost everyone in my life, even my own mother! The bitterness had been poisoning me for years, and it became clear that it wasn’t just affecting my relationships—it was poisoning my peace.

That’s when I made the decision to stop drinking the poison. I realized that I had been giving so much power to other people—power over my emotions, my happiness, and even my health. But I didn’t have to. I didn’t need to wait for anyone to apologize or change; I was responsible for my own healing, and I wasn’t going to let others’ actions control my life anymore.

Self-Realization: The First Step to Letting Go

Self-realization was the first, and perhaps most difficult, step in battling my resentment. For the first time in my life, I stopped running from the pain and leaned into it instead.

I started using EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques) to peel back the layers of emotions I had been burying for years. Through tapping on specific points, I was able to release trapped feelings and bring clarity to the surface. Each tapping session was like lifting a weight off my chest, but it was also incredibly uncomfortable.

I had to confront memories I had long avoided and acknowledge the emotions I had hidden from for so long.

What shocked me the most was realizing that I had never given anyone a chance to correct the wrongs I thought they had done. I assumed people knew I was upset, and when they didn’t magically pick up on it, I silently resented them.

Saying that now, it sounds so ridiculous—how could I have expected people to read my mind? Yet for years, that’s exactly what I did.

So, I began reframing the narrative. Instead of focusing on how others had let me down, I asked myself: What could I have done differently in those situations? How could I have influenced a different outcome?

The more I reflected, the more I realized that I had the power to change the dynamics of my relationships. It was a breakthrough—I didn’t need to wait for someone to change or apologize. I had the power to heal myself.

Testing My New Mindset

Soon after this realization, I had an opportunity to test my new mindset. I had invited my mum and sister on a weekend getaway, something that meant a lot to me.

A few weeks before the trip, they both backed out. The old me would have smiled and said, “No problem, that’s fine,” while secretly adding their names to my mental list of people who had wronged me.

But this time, I did something different. I spoke up. I calmly explained how much it hurt that they were canceling on something so important to me.

To my surprise, neither my mum nor my sister had any idea their actions would hurt me. They explained that, because I had always been so independent, they didn’t realize how much this trip meant to me.

For the first time, we had a genuine, open conversation about our feelings, and it actually brought us closer.

Instead of silently seething and letting resentment build, I communicated honestly, and the outcome was liberating.

I realized that so much of the pain I had carried in the past could have been avoided if I had just voiced my feelings. That conversation was a powerful reminder that I have the power to shape my relationships, and that sometimes people just don’t know how we feel unless we tell them.

Moving Forward: Letting Go and Staying Free

After learning to let go of years of resentment, I realized that staying free required new habits. I needed to guard against falling back into old patterns, so I came up with a few strategies to help.

First, I ask myself three key questions:

1. Is this really worth my peace?

2. Did they intend to hurt me, or could there be another explanation?

3. What can I do differently in this situation?

These questions help me pause, reflect, and reframe my thoughts before resentment has a chance to take root. I no longer jump to conclusions or internalize every slight.

And then there’s my secret weapon—whenever I feel those old feelings of resentment bubbling up, I silently sing the Disney song “Let It Go” to myself!

I know it sounds silly, but it’s incredibly effective. The moment I start humming that tune, it interrupts my spiraling thoughts and stops me from obsessing over whatever hurt I’m feeling.

By the time I’ve finished the song in my head, the urge to hold onto those negative feelings has usually passed, and I can move forward with a clearer mind.

It’s a lighthearted strategy, but for me, it’s a reminder that I have a choice. I can cling to the bitterness, or I can, quite literally, let it go.

Letting go isn’t always easy, but it’s always worth it. The next time you feel resentment creeping in, remember, forgiveness isn’t for them; it’s for you. It’s time to free yourself from the weight of carrying that poison.

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About Samantha Carolan

Samantha Carolan is a life coach and certified EFT practitioner who specializes in helping midlife women break free from limiting beliefs and people-pleasing patterns. Through her compassionate coaching and EFT techniques, she empowers women to embrace their authentic selves, build confidence, and create a more fulfilling life. Based in the serene County Down, Northern Ireland, Samantha shares her home with her partner, and her cat Nero. Discover more at lovingmidlife.co.uk/.

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