I Might Fail, but Time Won’t Just Pass Me By

“It’s not about time, it’s about choices. How are you spending your choices?” ~Beverly Adamo

You hit a point in life after which choices seem to become less and less reversible. As if they were engraved in stone.

No matter how many motivational posts about following your own timeline and going at your own pace cross your Instagram wall.

No matter how much you try to convince yourself that it’s never too late to start a new career, move into a new house, or find the right person. It’s not that you don’t believe it—it just does not work for you. It’s okay for other people to follow their dreams and dance to their own rhythm. But not for you.

You feel like you’re in school again, falling behind.

The more you tell yourself that you don’t have to live up to anyone’s expectations, the more you realize the only person you’re afraid to disappoint is the one looking back at you in the mirror.

I used to listen to this song that goes,

I wake up in the middle of night

It’s like I can feel time moving

And I did. I did wake up at 3:00 a.m., haunted by question marks.

And to think that I was doing everything right! I had graduated, moved in with my boyfriend, and started working as a teacher. I had a spotless resume.

Still, I was obsessed with the idea of time moving. Of time unstoppably reaching the point after which I simply would’ve had no choice but to stop seeing my situation as temporary and resign to the fact that no greater idea had come to my mind—and that I was stuck with that.

With my daily life in the classroom.

Now don’t get me wrong. I am not one of those people who ended up teaching because they couldn’t get a better job. On the contrary, teaching has always been my passion. It still is.

The classroom, on the other hand…

There was not a single day in my four years as a teacher during which I really thought this could be a good fit for me in the long run. Not once.

There were bad days, good days. “Easy” classes, tough classes. Small victories, daily failures. Parents who wanted to sue me and students who wanted me to adopt them—one of those end-of-the-school-year letters still hangs on my fridge. But each and every one of those days, I knew I wanted this to be temporary.

I didn’t want to stay in the classroom forever.

It’s hard to pin it down. All I wanted to do was to be myself and teach something I love. But, as a teacher, you and your students don’t exist in a bubble. You’re very much intertwined with the complicated, emotionally loaded context of the classroom. So, you’re forced to impersonate the role of the Teacher.

Unlike me, the Teacher was able to come to terms with the pressing matter of relevance. I knew that most of the curriculum I had to teach, and the way in which I had to teach it, was so far removed from the reality of my students that no amount of interactive lesson plans and student-centered methodologies could help me get the point across.

As the Teacher, I was supposed to feel comfortable in the role, to identify myself with it rather than question it every step of the way. I just didn’t feel at ease. As a facilitator, as a guide, as a tutor, I’d always felt whole—not as a teacher. As much as I admired and respected those who did, I couldn’t do the same.

I really, really did everything I could to solve my issues.

I tried to fake it ‘til I made it. I read all the books. Attended all the courses. Shared my thoughts.

Every time I told someone how I felt, they would reply with all the right things.

That it’s just the first few years, until you get used to it, and I’m sure it is true—for me.

That you’re actually really doing something for the kids, that you’re making a difference—and I don’t doubt that teachers do make a difference. Just not me.

That you need to come to terms with the fact that, no matter what your job is, it is not supposed to be fun or fulfilling. But, as whiny as it might sound, that’s what I needed it to be.

Maybe not perfect, maybe not idyllic, but please, please, please not meaningless.

And then the intruding thought: “What, ‘cause you’re special? ‘Cause you’re too good to just get by, day in and day out, like everyone does?”

I’ve always worried about being difficult, and I really wanted it to work, so that sensation of having to crawl into someone else’s skin every day when I got into the classroom—I just tried to push it aside. To swallow it down and get myself together.

Still, it was there, and the only way to stop it was to think that it could be temporary after all.

Just until you find a better job.

Just until you come up with something else.

Just until you find out what the hell is wrong with you.

The only thing that managed to distract me was studying. I would come home and study, trying to keep my mind alive, trying to keep it dreaming, trying to keep it learning.

I invested time and money, draining all my energies. I was constantly tired from the effort of basically being a full-time student on top of a full-time job. Luckily, I had the support of my boyfriend—later, husband—who had no idea what it all would amount to but could see that I needed it.

It’s not like I had a project, though. I ached for meaning. I needed to learn something that felt real to me.

That’s how I started to dig into languages. Here was something that felt relevant, immediate. You could learn it and use it straight away. You could communicate—something I just wasn’t able to do in my classroom teaching.

I passed exams. I passed more exams. I kept piling up certificates and prayed that one day it would all start to sort of look like a plan. Before it was too late, before I had to admit to just being an overachieving, overqualified teacher.

I knew the danger—some people, when they’re unhappy, just give up and become passive. Others, like me, do the opposite. They keep spinning their wheels because, as long as you’re busy, you don’t have to face the reality of how you feel.

That’s what hit me every time I woke up at three am. How much time did I still have to change tracks? How long before it was too late for me?

It’s like I can feel time moving…

I wish I could tell you that I finally found my way and that this is a story of success. The truth is, I don’t know if it will ever be.

Last Christmas I suddenly realized my personal hourglass had run out of sand. I just knew that if I set foot again in the classroom in September, it would no longer be temporary. I felt this was my last chance to try and do something different before giving up for good.

I stopped waiting for the universe to reveal its mysterious plans and took my fate into my own hands. Teaching outside the classroom was something I had always vaguely dreamed of doing but never dared to.

What if I’m not good enough?

What if I don’t earn enough?

What if it feels even worse than in the classroom—and would that mean that the problem was really just me all along, no matter what I do and where I do it?

What if I messed up my plan B, too? What then?

I just finally said, “To hell with it.” There must be a bit of truth in all those Instagram motivational posts, right?

As of now, I am trying to build a career as a tutor and language teacher for adults, and I have no idea if I am going to make it.

I closed my eyes and jumped right in, expecting the water to be icy cold, but it wasn’t. I braced myself for the anxiety this new uncertainty would bring with it, just to find that I actually feel at peace.

There are plans to make, problems to solve, no financial stability, and no guarantee of success—something my perfectionist self can hardly manage. And still, it feels far less daunting and menacing than time slowly gnawing at me.

I wish I could tell you that this story has a moral.

That you should stop listening to good advice and common sense and just follow your guts, and that you may be surprised by how much unexpected support you receive or how little you need.

That you shouldn’t try so hard to be something you’re not at all costs.

That there are many ways to find meaning, and no one can tell you how to do it for yourself.

That sometimes giving up takes more courage than sticking with something until it becomes routine.

But, to tell the truth, I don’t feel like it was brave of me to change paths. It wasn’t about choosing the easiest or the hardest thing—it was about choosing the honest thing.

I wish I could tell you I no longer wake up in the middle of the night, but the truth is, I do, because I’m so caught up in this new adventure that I really can’t stop jotting down ideas and looking for job opportunities.

I know I don’t have to prove myself to anyone, and I also know that I can’t help but feel like I should, and that’s okay too.

I know I might fail, and I’m not so bold as to plainly say I don’t care if I do. I actually do care, a lot.

But one thing’s for sure—I no longer live in the fear of time passing me by.

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About Federica Minozzi

Federica Minozzi (Instagram @federica.minozziteaching) lives in Italy. She is a physicist and teacher of Italian, English, and German. She works as a freelance online tutor and organizes courses about language and language learning. She is also passionate about science education and communication, weightlifting, writing, learning, and self-development. She has an Italian YouTube channel about learning methodologies (@LangolodellaProf).

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How to Ease Anxiety and PTSD: 3 Somatic Exercises to Try

“The body knows how to heal. It just needs the proper conditions.” ~Peter Levine

After ten major reconstructive hip surgeries and almost six cumulative years in a full body cast, I emerged from childhood into my teenage years. My start in life was quite different from those around me. My body would never be like everyone else’s, and I was living in the aftermath of trauma.

I not only had a slew of trauma symptoms but was also deeply wrestling with my identity and had massive amounts of shame, depression, and social anxiety. As you can imagine, I had a hard time fitting in and connecting with others. Feeling comfortable in my own skin was something I never knew.

The discomfort I felt was unbearable, and I knew the only way to feel better in life was to try to figure out how to heal and get to the other side. I held on strongly to the belief that healing was possible, so naturally I started with talk therapy.

Therapy is great, don’t get me wrong, but it wasn’t providing the relief I was searching for. I quickly realized that talking about my experiences helped to broaden and balance my perspective on things, but it wasn’t changing how I felt in my day-to-day life. So I went on a journey exploring and studying many forms of healing. I delved into energy healing, breathwork, art therapy, tantra, and Yamuna body rolling and finally found somatic experiencing.

With much trial and error, I found my way. Some things worked and others didn’t. I learned that there isn’t a ‘one size fits all’ when it comes to healing.

Anxiety and PTSD symptoms are never fun, and they show up in very specific and different ways for each person. I’ve learned that anxiety is energy that is deeply held in the body, and the way most people try and manage it is to brace their body to try and stop it from happening. This pushes it deeper into the body.

It’s important to slowly allow this energy to move. To do so, we need to soften the body and open the energy channels.

I have found these three somatic tools to be quite effective. Maybe they will be for you as well.

Before starting each exercise, I highly recommend you ask yourself, “On a scale of one to ten, how anxious am I?” Give yourself a number, and then at the end of the exercise see if the number has decreased.

1. Slowly articulating the joint

Starting with one foot, slowly move your foot in a circle ten times in one direction. Really focus your mind on the feeling of the ankle joint moving. Then switch directions.

Do this for the other foot and ankle.

If you are lying down on your back, you can do this again for the knee as you hold your thigh, slowly moving your lower leg in a circle ten times before switching directions. Then repeat on the other leg.

If you are standing, you can place your hands on your knees and together slowly move your knees in circles.

Again, remember to give your mind the job of focusing on the knee joints and feeling them move. This helps give the mind something to do while the body can move the energy that has been trapped inside of it.

If standing, you will do this again, making hip circles ten times in both directions.

After this, pause and notice how the lower body feels in comparison to the upper body. It’s crazy the difference you will feel.

Next, you will do this with your wrists, making circles with your hands. You can do this one at a time or both hands—whatever you prefer.

Then your elbows.

And then your shoulders, continuing to do ten circles in one direction and then ten in the other.

Lastly, you will do head circles in both directions.

2. Deep breathing with a voo exhale

A voo exhale? What is that?

That is exactly what I would be asking.

Deep breathing is sometimes helpful, and sometimes it isn’t. But if you try making a voo sound for the entirety of the exhale, it can smooth the chest and abdomen, where most of the anxiety is felt.

So, for this exercise, you will place one hand over your heart and one hand over your belly and take a deep breath. On the exhale you will make a voo sound, all the way to the end of the exhale, similar to saying om in a yoga class. As you do this, think about making the voo sound from your abdomen, not from your throat.

This is an indigenous practice that actually has scientific effects in calming the vagus nerve and the sympathetic nervous system. It moves people into their parasympathetic nervous system, which is the rest and digest part of your nervous system. Making different sounds has different effects on the nervous system, and for anxiety and PTSD, the voo sound is the most effective.

Go ahead and try this for five cycles and see how this is for you. It can be really calming.

3. Visual resourcing

Resourcing is anything that is calming, supportive, or comforting for a person, and it can be done through many avenues. This includes things like talking to a caring, supportive friend, taking a hot bath, or using a weighted blanket.

Visual resourcing is focusing on something visually pleasant. For some people this can be a sparkly or shiny object, and for others it can be watching the leaves gently blow in the breeze.

Note that for some people, if they look off in the distance, it has an even greater calming effect, and that others might prefer looking at objects that are closer to them.

Go ahead and look around you and find the most pleasant and pleasing thing to look at. Then hold  your gaze here and notice the effects this has for you.

This somatic tool can easily be combined with the prior tool listed above.

In Conclusion

When we experience trauma and are wrestling in the aftermath of symptoms, life can feel daunting. Many people feel very discouraged and overwhelmed with where and how to start healing. But try and find the courage to get to the other side. Healing is possible, and it could be one of the most beautiful and sacred journeys you choose to go down.

Trauma symptoms always have psychological and physiological components that happen simultaneously. So, if some of the mindfulness practices don’t work, see if you can find some relief and stabilization with somatic body-based tools.

Wishing you so much love and grace on your journey to recovery.

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About Brianna Anderson

Brianna Anderson is a Somatic Experiencing Practitioner and a forerunner in mind, body & spirit healing. After her own journey of transformation, she has specialized in helping people heal and resolve the effects of trauma. Brianna is the CEO of Healing with Bri and the founder of Ascend, an online program designed to help people resolve trauma and reclaim their lives. You can check out her website here.

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How to Reinvigorate Your Relationship with New Experiences

“After a while, every couple will get bored. That’s why trying new things together is key.” ~Unknown

When life gets busy with work, kids, and the steady hum of daily responsibilities, it’s easy for relationships to fall into a familiar rhythm. Routines are comforting, but they can also lead to a kind of autopilot in love—a state where everything feels predictable and, eventually, a bit uninspired.

My partner and I have a strong bond, but we’d both noticed that something felt… different. It wasn’t bad, but we missed that spark of excitement that had defined our early days together. So we decided to shake things up with some new, shared experiences.

We didn’t make grand plans or book an extravagant vacation. Instead, we chose to weave newness into our relationship in small ways.

We started trying little things that felt unfamiliar, even a bit challenging, to see if we could rekindle the thrill of discovery we’d had in the beginning. And what I discovered was that novelty—no matter how small—has a way of bringing you closer, helping you see each other in a new light and reminding you of why you fell in love in the first place.

Here’s what I learned as we explored together and how these simple shifts helped us reconnect.

1. Reigniting Passion Through Novelty

One of the first things we did was something simple but unexpectedly refreshing: We talked about what made us attracted to each other. I don’t mean the usual compliments but a real conversation about the things we loved, admired, and found endearing about one another.

It felt strange at first—like a conversation we might have had in the early days of dating rather than years into marriage. But as we each shared what made us feel drawn to one another, it brought a sense of excitement back into our connection.

Hearing my partner describe the little quirks and qualities they loved about me was like seeing myself through fresh eyes. It reminded me that attraction isn’t just about the initial spark but about the ways we keep noticing each other.

Psychologists say that novelty can trigger the release of dopamine, the same brain chemical that floods our brains during those early, intense stages of love. For me, this little exercise felt like a reminder of why we fell for each other in the first place.

Since that conversation, we’ve made it a habit to try new things together—whether it’s a different recipe, a walk in a new part of town, or even a conversation about something we’ve never discussed before. These little moments of novelty keep things exciting, reminding me that sometimes, all it takes is a fresh perspective to bring back the thrill.

2. Seeing Each Other in a New Light

One evening, we decided to make a simple dessert together, but we turned it into something a bit more intentional. We dimmed the lights, put on some music, and treated the experience like a date night. At first, it seemed like an ordinary thing to do, but the way we slowed down, paid attention, and enjoyed the process made it feel special. Without our usual distractions, I found myself noticing things about my partner I hadn’t appreciated in a while—their laugh, their patience, the way they enjoyed small details.

It’s funny how easily routine can make us forget the qualities that first made us fall in love. That evening, I felt like I was seeing my partner with fresh eyes. It reminded me that relationships are not only about supporting each other through life’s responsibilities but about genuinely enjoying each other’s company. After that night, I found myself feeling more connected, holding onto those little things I had seen in them that night, like a renewed spark in our relationship.

3. Building Connection Through Silent Presence

One of the most surprising experiences was the time we spent just sitting in silence, holding hands, and focusing on our breathing. We’d decided to try it as a way to calm down after a busy week, but it turned out to be a much deeper experience than I expected. In that quiet moment, without any words or expectations, I felt a connection with my partner that I hadn’t felt in a long time.

At first, it felt strange—like I was supposed to be doing something, saying something. But as I settled into the silence, I realized that sometimes, just being present together is enough.

This kind of non-verbal connection has become a powerful part of our relationship. It showed me that we don’t always need to communicate through words or actions; sometimes, just being fully present can say more than anything. This experience taught us to find peace together, even when the world outside feels busy and overwhelming.

4. Rediscovering Vulnerability Through Playfulness

One of the most fun moments came when we decided to share some of our most embarrassing stories with each other—things we hadn’t talked about in years. We laughed so hard that night, feeling a kind of lightheartedness that was rare amidst our usual routine. It was like peeling back layers and remembering the silly, imperfect parts of ourselves we don’t usually show.

Sharing these vulnerable, sometimes awkward moments brought us closer. Studies show that vulnerability can strengthen trust in relationships, and that night, I realized that it’s not only deep conversations that build intimacy but shared laughter, too.

That lightheartedness brought a fresh sense of joy into our relationship, reminding me of how much fun we have together when we let go of the serious sides of ourselves.

5. Finding Calm Together in Nature

One of the most grounding experiences we’ve tried together has been spending time outdoors without any real agenda. We decided to take a walk in nature one day, moving slowly, letting ourselves relax, and just talking (or not talking) as we went along. It was peaceful, freeing, and a perfect escape from our busy lives.

Being outside, away from everything, reminded me of the simple joy of just being in each other’s presence. Studies show that spending time in nature lowers stress and increases well-being, and sharing that time with someone you love amplifies the effect. After that walk, I felt calmer and more connected. I realized how powerful it is to break away from our usual environment and share a quiet experience in a place where the world feels a little slower.

Final Thoughts: Rediscovering Each Other Through New Experiences

These experiences taught me that novelty doesn’t have to mean grand gestures or expensive trips. Often, it’s the small, intentional changes that bring the biggest rewards. By stepping out of our comfort zone in little ways, we found ourselves rediscovering each other and reconnecting in ways I didn’t think possible.

Trying new things together isn’t just about keeping boredom at bay; it’s about creating shared memories, strengthening your bond, and reminding each other of the excitement that brought you together.

So, if you’re feeling a little too comfortable in your relationship, take a small step outside the usual. Try something different, have a conversation you’ve never had, and see what it does. Sometimes, all it takes to reconnect is a willingness to explore each other from a fresh perspective.

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About Roel de Beer

Roel shares personal insights on bringing excitement back to relationships through shared experiences and stepping out of the comfort zone. Discover more about reconnecting with your partner at Ludiza.com, or try the Ludiza app for guided activities on Android and iOS.

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My Life with ADHD and Anxiety: A Surprising Success Story

“To define yourself is to limit yourself. Without labels you remain the infinite being.” ~Deepak Chopra

Living with both ADHD and anxiety feels like trying to navigate life with your mind constantly racing in a thousand directions at once. It’s frustrating and exhausting, and, at times, it feels like success is out of reach.

But here’s the truth: success is possible. Even when it feels like your brain is working against you, with the right strategies and support, you can thrive.

As a nurse practitioner who has lived with undiagnosed ADHD and anxiety for much of my life, I’ve experienced the struggles that come with both. I’ve been labeled lazy, unteachable, and a lost cause.

But I’ve also learned how to break through those labels and find success on my own terms. It’s not easy, but it’s absolutely achievable.

The Early Years: ADHD and Anxiety in School

Growing up, ADHD wasn’t something people talked about. Kids who had trouble focusing were often written off as lazy or troublemakers. I was one of those kids, but I wasn’t the hyperactive type, so my struggles flew under the radar.

My teachers assumed I wasn’t trying hard enough, but the truth was, I was trying as hard as I could. If a subject didn’t grab my interest, my brain simply couldn’t focus.

The frustration of not being able to retain information or focus made school incredibly difficult. Teachers labeled me as lazy or unteachable, and those labels stuck. By the time I reached high school, I was so far behind that showing up to class felt pointless.

My grades were posted for everyone to see, and every time, I was at the bottom of the list. It felt like the world was constantly reminding me that I was a failure.

As my anxiety grew, I started skipping class regularly. Why show up just to feel like I was being judged? I was already seen as the kid who couldn’t keep up, and every time I walked into a classroom, it felt like a reminder of how far behind I was.

The anxiety of being judged, combined with my ADHD, made it impossible to succeed in that environment.

Hitting Rock Bottom

With no support system in place and a constant sense of failure hanging over me, I turned to unhealthy coping mechanisms. Drugs and alcohol became my escape from the pressure, anxiety, and feelings of inadequacy.

The constant emotional beatdown from teachers, peers, and my own inner voice was too much to bear.

I began to believe that I really was a lost cause. No one seemed to care about my potential, and I certainly didn’t see it myself. Eventually, I was kicked out of my public high school. At the time, it felt like the end of the road for me, but in reality, it was the best thing that could have happened.

Finding a New Path: The Alternative School

After being kicked out of public high school, I was sent to an alternative school, a place for the so-called “bad kids.” This school had a reputation for being where the rejects went—those who were expected to drop out, end up in jail, or get pregnant.

But what I didn’t expect was how this environment would change my life.

At the alternative school, the teachers didn’t care about my past failures. They didn’t look down on me for my low grades or judge me for being behind. Instead, they saw my potential. They worked with me one-on-one, offering me the chance to catch up and even get ahead. For the first time in my life, I felt like someone believed in me.

One teacher in particular recognized my talent for writing and encouraged me to join the school newsletter. I started taking on more responsibility and eventually became the editor. For the first time, I started to see myself as capable and smart.

College and Career: Finding Success Despite ADHD and Anxiety

After graduating from the alternative high school, I had a newfound sense of confidence. For the first time, I believed that college might be an option for me. I started at a community college and eventually transferred to a university, where I earned a bachelor’s degree in journalism and communication studies.

However, after working in journalism for a while, I realized that it wasn’t my true passion. I pivoted and went back to school to pursue a career in nursing. Earning my associate’s degree in nursing was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done, but it was also the most rewarding.

For seven years, I worked in the emergency department, where the fast-paced environment kept my ADHD in check and the constant reminder of life’s fragility put my anxiety in perspective.

Managing ADHD and Anxiety in Adulthood

While I had found success in my career, my ADHD and anxiety didn’t magically disappear. In fact, they became even more noticeable when I transitioned to working as a nurse practitioner.

The COVID-19 pandemic brought an intense level of pressure, and my anxiety skyrocketed. I found myself overthinking every decision, double- and triple-checking my work, and seeking reassurance from colleagues constantly.

It became clear that I needed to develop better strategies for managing both my ADHD and anxiety. Through a combination of medication, mindfulness practices, and a strong support system, I’ve been able to keep both in check.

What Works for Me: Strategies for Managing ADHD and Anxiety

Over the years, I’ve found that managing ADHD and anxiety requires a holistic approach. Medication has been a helpful tool, but it’s not the only answer. I’ve also incorporated practices like meditation, gratitude, and positivity into my daily routine, all of which help me manage my symptoms.

Meditation in particular has been a game-changer. It helps me calm my racing thoughts and stay grounded, especially when my anxiety starts to creep in. Practicing gratitude keeps me focused on the positive aspects of my life, which helps counter the negative self-talk that can sometimes accompany both ADHD and anxiety.

Positivity is another important tool in my toolbox. I’ve learned that staying positive isn’t about pretending everything is perfect—it’s about choosing to focus on what’s going well and using that as motivation to keep pushing forward.

The Importance of Believing in Yourself

Looking back, I realize that one of the biggest turning points in my life was learning to believe in myself. For so long, I had internalized the labels that others had placed on me. But once I started to see my own potential and believe that I was capable of success, everything changed.

ADHD and anxiety don’t define who you are or what you can achieve. Yes, they’re challenges, but they’re also part of what makes you unique.

With the right tools, strategies, and mindset, you can turn those challenges into strengths.

Final Thoughts: Success Is Possible—Keep Pushing Forward

ADHD and anxiety can feel like insurmountable obstacles at times, but they don’t have to hold you back. Success is possible, even if it feels out of reach right now.

You might feel like a lost cause, but you’re not. You’re capable of so much more than you realize.

It doesn’t matter where you started or what labels have been placed on you. What matters is that you keep pushing forward, believe in your potential, and surround yourself with people who support and uplift you.

Whatever struggles you’re facing, they are just part of your story—not the end of it.

Keep going. Success is well within your reach.

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About Melissa McNamara

Melissa McNamara, the creator of Happy Easier, is dedicated to showing that happiness is attainable for everyone. Her blog shares practical, fact-based tips and techniques for leading a healthier and more fulfilling life. As a nurse practitioner, Melissa combines her healthcare expertise with clear, actionable advice. Despite early challenges, she turned difficulties into opportunities for growth, and through Happy Easier, she provides tools to help others achieve lasting happiness.

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Breaking Free from Resentment: My Journey to Finding Peace

“Resentment is like drinking poison and hoping the other person dies.” ~Saint Augustine

For years, I was unknowingly poisoning myself in nearly every relationship—whether romantic, work-related, or friendships. It always followed the same pattern: I’d form a deep attachment, throw myself into the relationship, and give endlessly, hoping that if I gave enough, they’d appreciate and value me.

But instead, it felt like they just took and took, leaving me secretly seething with anger and frustration while I smiled on the outside.

I was doing all the running—couldn’t they see that? Couldn’t they see how hard I was trying? Over time, the exhaustion would set in. Eventually, I’d burn out from the one-sided effort and just give up, walking away hurt and angry, convinced they had wronged me.

Each time, I added another person to my mental list of people I couldn’t trust. With each disappointment, I trusted fewer and fewer people.

To protect myself, I started putting up walls, convincing myself I didn’t need anyone. I told myself I was fine on my own. I’d always be the first to step in and help family or friends, but I wouldn’t allow them to help me. I refused to be vulnerable because, to me, vulnerability meant risking rejection. I believed I could do it all on my own—or at least that’s what I told myself.

When COVID hit, isolation wasn’t a choice anymore—it was forced upon me. Suddenly, I was alone, with no one to turn to because I had pushed everyone away. That’s when I realized just how much resentment had poisoned my life.

Fed up with the weight it placed on my life, I decided to confront it head-on. I let myself fully feel the resentment, allowing it to wash over me like a wave. It wasn’t easy—leaning into those emotions was painful, raw, and uncomfortable.

But in that moment, I realized I wasn’t just angry with a few people—I was carrying resentment for almost everyone in my life, even my own mother! The bitterness had been poisoning me for years, and it became clear that it wasn’t just affecting my relationships—it was poisoning my peace.

That’s when I made the decision to stop drinking the poison. I realized that I had been giving so much power to other people—power over my emotions, my happiness, and even my health. But I didn’t have to. I didn’t need to wait for anyone to apologize or change; I was responsible for my own healing, and I wasn’t going to let others’ actions control my life anymore.

Self-Realization: The First Step to Letting Go

Self-realization was the first, and perhaps most difficult, step in battling my resentment. For the first time in my life, I stopped running from the pain and leaned into it instead.

I started using EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques) to peel back the layers of emotions I had been burying for years. Through tapping on specific points, I was able to release trapped feelings and bring clarity to the surface. Each tapping session was like lifting a weight off my chest, but it was also incredibly uncomfortable.

I had to confront memories I had long avoided and acknowledge the emotions I had hidden from for so long.

What shocked me the most was realizing that I had never given anyone a chance to correct the wrongs I thought they had done. I assumed people knew I was upset, and when they didn’t magically pick up on it, I silently resented them.

Saying that now, it sounds so ridiculous—how could I have expected people to read my mind? Yet for years, that’s exactly what I did.

So, I began reframing the narrative. Instead of focusing on how others had let me down, I asked myself: What could I have done differently in those situations? How could I have influenced a different outcome?

The more I reflected, the more I realized that I had the power to change the dynamics of my relationships. It was a breakthrough—I didn’t need to wait for someone to change or apologize. I had the power to heal myself.

Testing My New Mindset

Soon after this realization, I had an opportunity to test my new mindset. I had invited my mum and sister on a weekend getaway, something that meant a lot to me.

A few weeks before the trip, they both backed out. The old me would have smiled and said, “No problem, that’s fine,” while secretly adding their names to my mental list of people who had wronged me.

But this time, I did something different. I spoke up. I calmly explained how much it hurt that they were canceling on something so important to me.

To my surprise, neither my mum nor my sister had any idea their actions would hurt me. They explained that, because I had always been so independent, they didn’t realize how much this trip meant to me.

For the first time, we had a genuine, open conversation about our feelings, and it actually brought us closer.

Instead of silently seething and letting resentment build, I communicated honestly, and the outcome was liberating.

I realized that so much of the pain I had carried in the past could have been avoided if I had just voiced my feelings. That conversation was a powerful reminder that I have the power to shape my relationships, and that sometimes people just don’t know how we feel unless we tell them.

Moving Forward: Letting Go and Staying Free

After learning to let go of years of resentment, I realized that staying free required new habits. I needed to guard against falling back into old patterns, so I came up with a few strategies to help.

First, I ask myself three key questions:

1. Is this really worth my peace?

2. Did they intend to hurt me, or could there be another explanation?

3. What can I do differently in this situation?

These questions help me pause, reflect, and reframe my thoughts before resentment has a chance to take root. I no longer jump to conclusions or internalize every slight.

And then there’s my secret weapon—whenever I feel those old feelings of resentment bubbling up, I silently sing the Disney song “Let It Go” to myself!

I know it sounds silly, but it’s incredibly effective. The moment I start humming that tune, it interrupts my spiraling thoughts and stops me from obsessing over whatever hurt I’m feeling.

By the time I’ve finished the song in my head, the urge to hold onto those negative feelings has usually passed, and I can move forward with a clearer mind.

It’s a lighthearted strategy, but for me, it’s a reminder that I have a choice. I can cling to the bitterness, or I can, quite literally, let it go.

Letting go isn’t always easy, but it’s always worth it. The next time you feel resentment creeping in, remember, forgiveness isn’t for them; it’s for you. It’s time to free yourself from the weight of carrying that poison.

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About Samantha Carolan

Samantha Carolan is a life coach and certified EFT practitioner who specializes in helping midlife women break free from limiting beliefs and people-pleasing patterns. Through her compassionate coaching and EFT techniques, she empowers women to embrace their authentic selves, build confidence, and create a more fulfilling life. Based in the serene County Down, Northern Ireland, Samantha shares her home with her partner, and her cat Nero. Discover more at lovingmidlife.co.uk/.

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The Simple Meditation Technique That Changed My Life

“Stay in the moment. The practice of staying present will heal you. Obsessing about how the future will turn out creates anxiety. Replaying broken scenarios from the past causes anger and sadness. Stay here, in this moment.” ~Sylvester McNutt

For two years, I studied and practiced meditation. I listened to podcasts, chanted mantras each morning, sat quietly while exploring my default mode network, and traversed Eastern mysticism under the guidance of a licensed clinical psychologist who taught me how to use deep diaphragmatic breathing to stimulate my vagus nerve and lower my resting heart rate. This helped me recover from panic attacks, which I started having as a result of existential dread.

After a series of nights with intrusive thoughts about death and dying, and painful memories related to my childhood, I decided to learn how to meditate so my thoughts would bother me less.

It’s important to examine our feelings and emotions in order to determine what to do with them. While meditating, as you nonjudgmentally observe your thoughts, the goal is to let the thought pass and then go back to the present moment with a mantra. However, after your meditation session is over, it’s also important to catalog for yourself if a thought or memory keeps surfacing, and what feelings or emotions might be present with that experience, so that you know what to work on in your personal development.

For myself, I found that many of the childhood memories that kept surfacing during meditation were related to my mother. Not surprisingly, much of my early writing as a poet includes themes and ideas related to my mother and other family issues. It was only once I started to really tackle these memories that I realized that they were attached to painful emotions directly linked to my childhood.

Once I gave myself the space I needed to examine my memories as artifacts from my life—ones to be accepted and not ones that I wanted to give power to—I was able to work through them and come out on the other side.

In order to do this, I started journaling, speaking about my experiences more with trusted advisors and through my creative work, and keeping up with meditation practices, which I did judiciously for three to four hours every morning.

One childhood memory that used to bother me a lot before I worked through it was from a time when I was about seven or eight years old. I remembered it vividly, as the memory would keep resurfacing each day.

A friend of mine and I were sitting on the floor of my bedroom, talking, when my mother came into the room. She commented sternly about how my clothes weren’t put away yet, since she’d told me having my friend over was contingent on that.

She then, without saying another word, picked up every article of clothing and proceeded to throw each of them at me while I was on the floor. My friend and I were speechless. Afterwards, when my mother left the room, my friend helped me pick them up.

What I realized by nonjudgmentally accepting my memory is that this experience had become a trauma point for me, one that I carried with me into my adult life until I started dealing with the emotions that were hardwired into my brain related to the event.

Only once I started meditating and kept seeing this memory resurface again and again—thereby noticing that I even had the memory and emotions in the first place—was I able to deal with the fact that this instance caused me to feel wronged because of how unfair it was. I felt humiliated. I felt ashamed. How could she have done something like this, I wondered?

However, once I began naming my feelings one by one, I found that the bodily sensations and experiences of the emotions surrounding the memory began to fade. I even found the courage to speak with my mother about my childhood using nonviolent communication strategies as discussed in the book Nonviolent Communication, written by Marshall B. Rosenberg, PhD with a foreword by Deepak Chopra.

The most rudimentary format of nonviolent communication entails communicating about conflict by saying, “When I hear you say X, I feel Y, because I need Z,” which makes the other person more likely to be able to receive your communication without being reactive or defensive.

I found great success with this approach, and while my mother and I are not close by any means, this communication approach strengthened our relationship and my relationship with myself. Now, most, if not all, of my painful childhood memories are no longer traumatic for me, including the one about my clothing.

This memory and the emotions that used to be attached to it are literally nonissues for me now, years later. And yet, the most important form of communication that I found for myself is the communication with the self, all brought on by a healthy meditation regimen.

So, how does one meditate with the goal of nonjudgmentally observing one’s thoughts, letting them go, and returning to the present moment in order to be successful with processing painful childhood memories and to gain more self-awareness overall?

The technique that my psychologist taught me is that, at the same time as doing deep diaphragmic breathing to stimulate the vagus nerve and promote inner calmness (eight seconds in, pause, then eight seconds out), it’s good to have an intention in mind that you can chant in your head as inner dialogue.

He also suggested audiating for stronger results, or putting the mantra to music in your mind, which I found was even more intellectually stimulating and led to greater mental clarity.

The idea is to try to clear your mind of all thoughts except the mantra, which you have going on repeat. I chose the mantra “Hamsa” for each breath, which means “I am that which I will become,” representing personal development.

When my thoughts wandered while I was chanting “Hamsa,” as soon as I noticed this happening, I acknowledged the stray thought, gave it permission to exist in a nonjudgmental environment, and then consciously turned my focus again to my mantra while letting the thought go.

Each time I went back to the original mantra, I was using the mental muscle of intentional focus to do that, which got stronger each time, just as a physical muscle would.

Eventually, by using this technique of observing thoughts nonjudgmentally, letting them go, and returning to the present moment, you begin to master more control over your thoughts as you increase your self-awareness of those thoughts in the first place.

Meditating this way gives you more mental and emotional clarity, which improves self-awareness, helps you get in touch with disempowering narratives and emotions, and gives you new pathways forward to reinvigorate experiences that can be dissolved or renewed in ways that work for you.

In other words, when you give yourself permission to exist within yourself, to notice your own being nonjudgmentally, and to work through painful memories and feelings, even the very act of noticing your own patterns of thinking improves self-awareness in all areas of your life. This can help you move toward better ways of thinking and existing—a critical component for personal development. You can then begin to notice painful or traumatic memories in order to face them head-on, process them, and let them go.

I found that after I was able to successfully process this childhood memory fully, I was healthier, stronger, and sturdier as an adult. I understood myself better and why I am the way that I am. I became more refined, had better inner clarity, and was able to tackle even worse memories and trauma points after that. I was able to have difficult discussions that I never thought possible with many people, using nonviolent communication techniques, spearheading me into a stable sense of self and personal discovery.

While meditating and practicing deep breathing, if you notice uncomfortable thoughts and memories, it’s likely that those thoughts represent something from your past that’s worth working on so that you can process your life and let those things go. As you relieve yourself of those burdens, you’ll open yourself up to more pleasant thoughts about better things on the other side of those hills.

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About Rebecca O’Bern

Rebecca O’Bern is an award-winning writer and educator with 10 years of experience. She holds an MFA in creative writing from Southern Connecticut State University, has numerous poems published in literary journals such as Notre Dame Review, Buddhist Poetry Review, and Whale Road Review, and has received honors from Arts Café Mystic and UCONN. Learn more about her and view her work on rebeccaobern.com and follow her on Twitter @rebeccaobern.

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