Stop Chasing: Finding What You Need in the Here and Now

“Life is what happens while we’re busy worrying about everything we need to change or accomplish. Slow down, get mindful, and try to enjoy the moment. This moment is your life.” ~Lori Deschene

Are you living life in a constant pursuit—chasing happiness, freedom, comfort, or success? What if the thing you’re so desperately looking for isn’t at the finish line? What if life isn’t a race to be won? These were the questions I asked myself not long ago.

I won’t lie; answering them didn’t completely change my life overnight. I didn’t have any major breakthrough when realizing what I’m about to tell you, but it was a starting point.

The starting point was realizing I had spent most of my life waiting. Chasing the things I believed I lacked.

In the pursuit of happiness, I was waiting for that moment in which all my dreams coming true would finally bring me everlasting joy.

Aspiring to be a free spirit—as free as the wind—I created mental cages and rules that made me feel stuck and hopeless, like a bird that knows how liberating it is to fly but cannot spread its wings.

Chasing comfort, I let possibilities for growth slip through my fingers and run away from me.

Trying to reach success, I forgot to take care of what truly deserved my attention: my health, my relationships, and my spark.

The major problem?

When you chase something, you’re placing it far away from you. You’re increasing the distance between what you desire and what you believe you lack.

But what you desire is already at your fingertips.

I didn’t have to wait for happiness because happiness wasn’t a destination to reach. Achieving my goals and making my dreams come true wouldn’t have made me any happier unless I was ready to fully embrace happiness in the here and now.

Happiness was already inside of me and all around. I just wasn’t looking.

The freedom I was so desperately chasing could have never touched me if I first didn’t get rid of the mental blocks I’d created myself. If I first didn’t destroy the walls my own mind had built.

I quickly realized that comfort wasn’t my friend—it just wanted to keep me safe, but not necessarily feeling alive.

Chasing success had me run, run, and run without actually going anywhere, like a hamster on a wheel.

If life isn’t a race, why are we always running?

We jump from one goal to another, from one’s arms to another’s, from one dream to another. We’re always running, chasing something that ends up turning into nothing.

If we allowed ourselves to take a moment, slow down, and hit the brake pedal, we’d soon realize that the chasing is what’s making us unhappy.

It’s pushing all we ever wanted far away from us—within our eyesight, but out of our reach.

How do you stop chasing the next big thing when you’ve spent your whole life in pursuit of something—anything?

All You Want Is Already Within You

The major change you must make is shifting your perspective about what you want.

I wanted freedom, but I wasn’t allowing myself to feel it because I had created unbreakable rules for my life. Then, it hit me: How could I expect to experience freedom in other areas of my life (career, money, etc.) if I wasn’t even free from my own mind?

Whether you want love, connection, happiness, or purpose, are you sure you’re not the one standing in your way?

If you want love and connection, are you loving yourself and genuinely getting interested in others?

If you want to be happier, are you filling your days with small things that can bring you more joy?

If you want purpose, are you actively seeking and engaging in activities that can bring you a greater sense of purpose?

Shift your perspective and start believing that everything you seek is already within you. Because it is.

Live in the Here and Now

Being more mindful means learning to be where your feet are. Embracing the here and now can put an end to what feels like an endless race.

Because there can be no race if you learn not to place any expectations or hopes in the future.

There’s just this moment—right here, right now. Nothing else matters. Nothing else really exists.

If this moment is all that’s true and all that exists, it means you already hold in your hands what you’re chasing.

Becoming more mindful means giving yourself the space to be, to exist—still, frozen, standing.

Mindfulness is not an end state but a way of living.

You don’t have to meditate for one hour every day to start being more mindful.

There are practices other than meditation you can adopt to bring more mindfulness into your day.

For example, you could start by changing how you do mundane tasks.

It could be as simple as sipping your coffee slowly, noticing its warmth and flavor instead of chugging it down.

Or listening to what your friend has to say instead of thinking how you’re going to respond.

Or, why don’t you start doing one thing at a time instead of falling for the trap of multitasking?

If your body is here, why do you let your mind be anywhere else?

Celebrate the Journey

Finally, if you want to stop chasing the next goal, mental state, or fleeting desire, you must recognize how far you’ve gone before you start looking at what’s ahead.

Instead of not giving yourself the time to reflect and look at the progress you’ve made, why don’t you try to slow down for once?

Celebrate your achievements, big or small. Praise yourself for the path you’ve walked before you start searching for the next finish line. Your results deserve recognition.

What’s the purpose of setting big goals and milestones to reach if, once you get there, you don’t even allow yourself to feel it, to enjoy the experience?

The pursuit of anything loses its meaning if it’s not celebrated.

What’s the point of reaching the top of the mountain if you keep looking for the next one to hike instead of enjoying the view from above?

Chasing everything—or anything—won’t give you what you hope to get until you start giving it to yourself. Reflect on what you’re chasing and ask yourself, “How can I embrace it in the here and now?”

Stop wandering in life, on a never-ending pursuit of something that’s already within you. If you only started looking…

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About Giada Crepaldi

Giada Crepaldi is a writer and blogger from a small town in Italy. Passionate about personal growth, she launched Purposeful Dreamers in March 2023 to inspire people to achieve their goals and create the life of their dreams. When she’s not writing, you can find her reading, traveling, meditating, and sharing inspiring content on her Pinterest and Instagram accounts.

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The Monumental Trap of Overworking Yourself for Recognition

“Expectations are premeditated resentments.” ~Unknown

Yesterday, I found myself sitting across from my boss, fighting back tears as I voiced something that had been eating away at me for three years: “I don’t feel valued enough.”

The words felt heavy in my throat. As a law professor, I’d always prided myself on being composed and professional. But in that moment, all my carefully constructed walls came crumbling down.

“I put in extra hours. I mentor people. I’m always available when someone needs help,” I continued, my voice barely above a whisper. “But it feels like nobody really appreciates it. Like all this effort goes unnoticed.”

Anyone who’s ever poured their heart into their work might recognize this feeling.

Maybe you’re the colleague who always stays late to help others meet deadlines. Perhaps you’re the team member who takes on extra projects without being asked. Or the person who remembers everyone’s birthdays and organizes office celebrations.

You give and give, hoping that somehow, this dedication will translate into the recognition and respect you crave.

My boss listened quietly, his expression thoughtful. Then he shared two insights that shook my understanding of professional relationships.

“First,” he said, leaning forward, “mastery in any field takes time. But here’s what most people miss—it’s not just about mastering your technical skills. It’s about mastering your relationship with the work itself.”

I sat with that for a moment, letting it sink in. How much of my frustration came from actually doing my job versus my expectations of how others should respond to my efforts?

“Second,” he continued, “when we tie our confidence to others’ reactions, we’re building our professional house on shifting sand.”

That hit home hard. I realized I had created an elaborate scorecard in my head: Each extra hour should equal a certain amount of appreciation; each additional task should translate to a specific level of respect. When reality didn’t match these expectations, my confidence crumbled.

It’s a trap many of us fall into. We believe that if we just work hard enough, stay late enough, and help enough people, recognition will naturally follow. When it doesn’t, we feel betrayed and undervalued and begin to question our worth.

Ultimately, we need to learn to validate ourselves, but here’s where things get nuanced—and important. This doesn’t mean we should accept environments that consistently undervalue or exploit our dedication. There’s a delicate balance between developing intrinsic motivation and recognizing when a situation is genuinely unhealthy.

Let me share what this balance looks like in practice. A few months ago, I noticed I was staying three hours late every day, answering work messages at midnight, and constantly taking on others’ responsibilities. At first, I told myself I was just being dedicated. But then I asked myself three crucial questions:

1. Is this a pattern of working hard without any recognition, or am I overextending myself because I’m seeking validation?

2. Are my extra efforts occasionally acknowledged, even if not always?

3. Do I feel safe expressing concerns about workload and boundaries?

The answers helped me distinguish between my desire for constant validation and my legitimate need for basic professional respect. I realized that while I needed to work on my own relationship with external validation, I also needed to set clearer boundaries about my time and energy.

That evening, I opened my laptop and started a different kind of work journal. Instead of tracking others’ reactions, I wrote down what I felt proud of that day: explaining a complex concept clearly, helping someone understand a difficult topic, and making progress on a challenging project. But I also noted when my boundaries were crossed and when additional effort went beyond reasonable expectations.

This dual awareness—of both internal validation and external respect—changed everything.

I learned to appreciate my own efforts while also advocating for myself when necessary. I started leaving work at a reasonable hour most days, saving those extra hours for truly important projects. I began setting boundaries around my availability, and surprisingly, this earned me more respect, not less.

Here’s what I’ve learned about finding this balance:

1. Question your expectations. Distinguish between needing constant praise and deserving basic respect.

2. Look for impact, not appreciation. When I did this, I noticed small moments I’d previously overlooked: a quiet nod of understanding during a presentation and a subtle shift in someone’s confidence after our interaction.

3. Build internal metrics. Define success on your own terms, but don’t ignore red flags in your environment.

4. Set healthy boundaries. Your dedication shouldn’t come at the cost of your well-being.

5. Recognize the difference. Know when you’re seeking validation versus when you’re being undervalued.

Most importantly, I’ve learned that true professional satisfaction comes from a combination of internal confidence and external respect. It’s about knowing your worth while ensuring you’re in an environment that, at least fundamentally, recognizes it too.

Now, when I catch myself slipping into old patterns—checking for signs of appreciation or feeling resentful about unacknowledged efforts—I pause and ask two questions: “Am I doing this because it matters to me, or am I doing it for recognition?” And equally important: “Is this a reasonable expectation of my time and energy?”

Some days are still challenging. There are still moments when I wish for more recognition. But I’ve found peace in knowing that while I don’t need constant validation, it’s okay to expect basic respect and appreciation in my professional life. The key is building enough self-worth to know when you’re seeking excess validation and when you’re simply asking to be valued appropriately.

This morning, I walked into my workplace with a different energy. I felt confident in my worth, clear about my boundaries, and secure in knowing that while I don’t need endless praise, I deserve to be in an environment that recognizes my contributions. Because true professional growth isn’t about learning to accept less than you deserve—it’s about finding that sweet spot between internal validation and healthy external recognition.

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About Kalyani Abhyankar

Kalyani Abhyankar is a professor of law and mindset coach, specializing in administrative law and consumer protection. She is passionate about helping others cultivate a limitless mindset and personal growth through her work on LinkedIn and beyond.

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If You’re Afraid of Making a Big Life Change

“The only way to make sense out of change is to plunge into it, move with it, and join the dance.” ~Alan Watts

I used to think that stability was the key to happiness. Stay in one place, build a career, nurture long-term relationships—these were the pillars of a successful life, or so I believed.

My life was a carefully constructed fortress of routine and familiarity. Wake up at 6 a.m., commute to the same office I’d worked at for a decade, come home to the same apartment I’d lived in since college, rinse and repeat. It was safe. It was predictable. It was slowly suffocating me.

As I approached my fortieth birthday, I found myself increasingly restless. The walls of my comfortable life felt more like a prison than a sanctuary. I’d scroll through social media, seeing friends and acquaintances embarking on new adventures, changing careers, and moving to new cities, and I’d feel a pang of envy mixed with fear.

“I wish I could do that,” I’d think, quickly followed by, “But what if it all goes wrong?”

It was during one of these late-night scrolling sessions that I came across a quote from Alan Watts that would change everything: “The only way to make sense out of change is to plunge into it, move with it, and join the dance.”

I stared at those words, feeling as if they were speaking directly to my soul. What if, instead of fearing change, I embraced it?

The next morning, I woke up with a sense of purpose I hadn’t felt in years. I decided to make a change—not a small one, but a seismic shift that would challenge everything I thought I knew about myself and my life. I was going to quit my job, sell most of my possessions, and travel the world for a year.

The moment I made this decision, I felt a mix of exhilaration and sheer terror. What about my career? My apartment? My relationships? The questions swirled in my mind, threatening to overwhelm me. But beneath the fear, there was a spark of excitement that I couldn’t ignore.

I gave myself six months to prepare. Those months were a whirlwind of planning, saving, and facing the reactions of friends and family. Some were supportive; others thought I was having a midlife crisis.

My parents were particularly worried. “But what about your future?” they asked, echoing the same concerns they’d had when I switched majors in college.

As the departure date drew closer, my anxiety grew. There were moments when I seriously considered calling the whole thing off. What if I was making a horrible mistake? What if I couldn’t handle the uncertainty?

It was during one of these moments of doubt that I realized something important: The fear I was feeling wasn’t just about this trip. It was the same fear that had kept me trapped in a life that no longer fulfilled me. If I gave in to it now, I might never break free.

So, I pushed forward. I boarded that plane with a backpack, a one-way ticket, and a heart full of both terror and hope. The first few weeks were challenging. I felt lost, not just geographically but existentially. Who was I without my job title, my routine, my familiar surroundings?

But slowly, something magical began to happen. As I navigated new cities, tried new foods, and met people from all walks of life, I felt layers of my old self peeling away. I discovered a resilience I never knew I had. Problems that would have sent me into a tailspin back home became adventures and challenges to solve. I learned to trust my instincts, to find joy in the unexpected, and to embrace the unknown.

One particularly transformative moment came three months into my journey. I was hiking in the mountains of Peru, struggling with altitude sickness and questioning my decision to attempt this trek.

As I sat on a rock, catching my breath and fighting back tears, an elderly local woman passed by. She smiled at me and said something in Quechua that I didn’t understand. But her smile and the gentle pat she gave my shoulder spoke volumes.

In that moment, I realized that kindness and human connection transcend language and culture. I also realized that I was stronger than I ever gave myself credit for.

As the months passed, I found myself changing in ways I never expected. I became more open, more curious, more willing to try new things. I learned to live with less and appreciate more. The constant movement and change became not just tolerable but exhilarating. I was, as Alan Watts had said, joining the dance of change.

But it wasn’t all smooth sailing. There were days of loneliness, moments of doubt, and times when I missed the comfort of my old life. I learned that embracing change doesn’t mean you never feel fear or uncertainty. It means you feel those things and move forward anyway.

As my year of travel neared its end, I faced a new challenge: what next? The thought of returning to my old life felt impossible. I was no longer the person who had left a year ago. But the idea of continuing to travel indefinitely didn’t feel right either. I realized I was craving a new kind of stability—one built on the foundation of flexibility and growth I’d cultivated during my travels.

I decided to move to a new city, one I’d fallen in love with during my travels. I found a job that allowed me to use my old skills in new ways, with the flexibility to continue exploring the world. I made new friends who shared my love of adventure and personal growth. I created a life that embraced change rather than feared it.

Looking back on this journey, I’m amazed at how far I’ve come. The person who was once paralyzed by the idea of change now seeks it out as a source of growth and excitement. Here are some of the most important lessons I’ve learned.

1. Fear is not a stop sign.

Fear is a natural part of change, but it doesn’t have to control you. Acknowledge it, understand it, but don’t let it make your decisions for you.

2. Discomfort is where growth happen.

The moments that challenged me the most were also the ones that taught me the most about myself and the world.

3. Flexibility is strength.

Being able to adapt to new situations is far more valuable than trying to control everything around you because often, the only thing you can control is how well you adapt.

4. Less is often more.

Living out of a backpack for a year taught me how little I actually need to be happy.

5. Change is constant.

Instead of resisting change, learning to flow with it brings a sense of peace and excitement to life.

6. It’s never too late.

At forty, I thought I was too old to radically change my life. I was wrong. It’s never too late to start a new chapter.

If you find yourself feeling stuck, yearning for something more but afraid to make a change, I encourage you to take that first step.

It doesn’t have to be as dramatic as selling everything and traveling the world (though I highly recommend it if you can!). Start small. Take a different route to work. Try a new hobby. Have a conversation with someone you wouldn’t normally talk to. Each small change builds your resilience and opens you up to new possibilities.

Embracing change doesn’t mean your life will always be easy or that you’ll never face challenges. But it does mean that you’ll be living fully, growing constantly, and experiencing the rich tapestry of what life has to offer.

Your life is not a fixed path but a journey of constant evolution. Embrace the changes, learn from the challenges, and celebrate the growth. The world is vast, life is short, and the greatest adventures often begin with a single step into the unknown. So take that step. Join the dance of change. You might be amazed at where it leads you.

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About Anna

Anna is a writer, speaker, and community leader who helps women going through perimenopause. She wants to change how people think about this important time in life. She believes in using knowledge, sharing experiences, and adding humor to make tough times easier. Anna invites women to see perimenopause as a natural and empowering part of life. Join her to laugh, learn, and grow together as she works towards a world where perimenopause is talked about openly and positively.

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Free New Year Meditation & Writing Challenge

Hi friend! As you might recall, last fall I shared an empowering five-day meditation and writing challenge from Tiny Buddha contributor Nadia Colburn. This month, she’s back with another free meditation and writing challenge, designed for the new year, focused on transformation, and I can’t recommend it enough!

Founder of the online creative writing school Align Your Story, Nadia is a poet, memoirist, and yogi who has a talent for helping people create inner calm and access their most authentic voice.

That’s what I love about her challenges—they allow us to turn down the mental noise that creates stress and confusion and tune into the gold of our intuition and creative genius.

Each day’s fifteen-minute recording includes a short meditation, an evocative poem, and a prompt-based writing exercise inspired by that day’s piece.

Though the meditation practices all vary, they all gave me quick access to increased calm and focus. And the poems and prompts are all perfect for this season of transformation, when so many of us are looking to get unstuck and create positive change.

Like last time, I recognized common themes in my writing—blocks I need to address, fears I need to face, beliefs I need to challenge, and truths I need to accept.

Life has been particularly overwhelming in recent months, due to significant challenges in every area of my life, and I’ve often felt lost in the haze of my own mind. Each day’s challenge elicited a new aha moment for me, giving me hope that greater clarity is coming.

You don’t need to even think of yourself as a writer to enjoy and get something out of this challenge. It’s for anyone who wants to connect with themselves more deeply and perhaps find some of the answers they’ve been seeking externally within the quiet of their own mind.

Some of Nadia’s past participants have noted how easily their writing flowed after meditation and how the prompts brought them unexpected insights.

If you decide to give this challenge a try, I have a feeling it could do the same for you. You can access it for free here.

Happy writing!

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About Lori Deschene

Lori Deschene is the founder of Tiny Buddha. She started the site after struggling with depression, bulimia, c-PTSD, and toxic shame so she could recycle her former pain into something useful and inspire others do the same. She recently created the Breaking Barriers to Self-Care eCourse to help people overcome internal blocks to meeting their needs—so they can feel their best, be their best, and live their best possible life. If you’re ready to start thriving instead of merely surviving, you can learn more and get instant access here.

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5 Hidden Ways Codependency Is Sabotaging Your Relationships

“We rescue people from their responsibilities. We take care of people’s responsibilities for them. Later we get mad at them for what we’ve done. Then we feel used and sorry for ourselves. That is the pattern, the triangle.” ~ Melody Beattie

I first uncovered codependency and how it was ruining my relationships back in 2019 after ending my relationship of four years.

At the time, I didn’t know the first thing about myself—except that I didn’t know myself at all. I had no idea what I needed or desired. All I knew was that I hated being alone and longed for someone to come in and save me from myself. Little did I know, I was deep in the grip of my codependency patterns.

Without anyone to validate or console me, I was forced to confront the uncomfortable truth about my role in the relationship’s dysfunction.

For so long, I had blamed my partner for everything that was “wrong”—the lack of connection, the emotional exhaustion, and the resentment that weighed me down. I felt drained, unappreciated, and frustrated, but in my mind, they were the problem. I believed that if they just changed, everything would be better.

It wasn’t until I started looking inward that the truth began to unfold. I saw how my codependent behaviors were fueling the very issues I was complaining about. I had been pouring so much of myself into trying to fix them and the relationship that I had neglected my own needs, boundaries, and well-being.

Once I became aware of these patterns, everything started to shift. I began showing up differently—not just for them, but for myself. That awareness was the key to turning the relationship around.

When we got back together, everything was like night and day. The dynamics had completely shifted. Instead of feeling drained and frustrated, we were both able to show up more fully and authentically in the relationship. I created a unique framework that bridges shadow work and inner child healing, and I now use it in my relationship whenever I’m triggered or blaming my partner.

After recently celebrating ten-plus years together, our relationship is now based on mutual respect, healthy boundaries, and emotional safety—creating something stronger and more fulfilling than we ever had before.

But here’s the thing—before I could create that shift, I first had to become aware of the hidden ways codependency was sabotaging my relationship. These behaviors are sneaky and often disguised as care or concern, but they can have a destructive impact on how we show up in our relationships.

If you’re wondering how codependency might be negatively impacting your relationship, here are some of the ways it can show up.

1. You need to be needed.

I learned that my sense of worthiness was dependent on how much other people needed me.

When we’re codependent, our purpose, self-worth, and good feelings about ourselves become dependent on how much another person needs us. This makes sense, since many of us watched mothers who were self-sacrificing, as though the sacrifice equated to love.

This pattern satisfies the person with codependency because it can soothe their fear of abandonment and rejection. If the other person in the relationship becomes dependent on me to take care of their needs, they think, then they won’t leave me. (Spoiler alert: This often leads to resentment in the long run.)

2. You struggle with identifying your own needs and feelings.

I realized that I had a difficult time recognizing and identifying my own needs and feelings because I was constantly perceiving the needs and feelings of others and making choices based on my desire to be liked.

This behavior can show up as people-pleasing and doing what you think other people want you to do. It stems from a lack of safety, likely originating in childhood, that tells you that perceiving the needs and feelings of others will protect you from pain. Unfortunately, this can leave you with a lost sense of self, leading to an inability to name your own needs and feelings, which contributes to them feeling unmet in your adult relationships.

3. You have constant anxiety.

For months, I was waking up in the middle of the night with extreme pain in my chest. My anxiety had gotten so bad that I was waking with painful panic attacks that felt like heart attacks, so much so that I ended up in the ER.

I had constant anxiety because I was always trying to make other people happy, but I didn’t realize that it was at the expense of my own well-being.

The fear of betrayal or abandonment can be so debilitating, and the anxiety from that can leave you self-sacrificing in hopes of making others happy so that they don’t leave. Consequently, those of us who experience codependency will stay in relationships even if we are aware that our partners are doing harmful things because we have attached our safety and security to this person rather than sourcing that safety for ourselves.

4. You feel disrespected or not valued. 

After years of being everything to my partner, I reached a point of deep resentment. I realized that I overextended myself because I had this unconscious agenda, or desire, that they would do the same for me. And every time they didn’t, I felt unappreciated, invisible, and not cared for.

For people in codependent relationships, resentment often bubbles up later on, when the patterns of constantly over-giving and self-sacrificing build up. This tendency to over-give and become resentful can stem from low self-worth and self-esteem and our fears of abandonment.

I learned that I was really just afraid to set healthy boundaries and ask for what I needed because I believed that they would think I was too much or selfish and then leave me. So, instead of speaking up, I continually hoped they would guess my needs and continued to be disappointed and let down.

5. You feel selfish when you take time to be with yourself (or you avoid self-care).

Many people, especially mothers, feel guilty and selfish when taking time for themselves. But why should other people be more important than you? I know I struggled with this deep fear of being negatively perceived until I realized that I have no control over what people think about me, and quite frankly, what other people think about me is none of my business!

Those of us who struggle with codependency may feel like we are asking for too much, or that we are too much, so we make ourselves small and avoid taking up space due to fear of how we will be perceived.

—

Healing from codependency starts with awareness. Once you recognize the subtle patterns and behaviors that are sabotaging your relationships, you can begin to shift the dynamic.

It’s not about fixing the other person; it’s about healing yourself—understanding your needs, setting healthy boundaries, and showing up authentically. By taking responsibility for your role in the relationship and committing to your own healing, you create space for deep, meaningful connection and more joy.

Remember, healing is not about never experiencing these patterns or triggers again; it’s about how you hold yourself when they come up.

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About Alyssa Zander

Alyssa Zander is a codependency and relationship coach and creator of Codependency Alchemy—a podcast and thriving community on Substack—where she supports people in healing from codependency through shadow work and inner child healing. Join her community for deeper insights and support by clicking here. To begin your own journey of healing from codependency and learn how your inner child and shadow work can transform your relationships, download her free Shadow Work and Inner Child Guide here.

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Live a Life You Love: The Magic of Following Joy

“Some people are empowered by travel and some are inspired by the warmth of home. Some thrive in the spotlight and some feel called to support those who are on stage. Some people are comfortable half-dressed and cussing like sailors and others prefer modesty and gentleness. The thing is: we are all empowered and inspired in different ways, and it’s not our job to decide what that looks like for anyone else.” ~Brooke Hampton

In 1992, the Olympic Games were on, and my dad was glued to the screen. He called me over to watch with him, and though I didn’t know it at the time, that moment would change my life.

I remember seeing a woman in the pool, dancing in sync with music, her movements flowing effortlessly in and out of the water. It was called synchronized swimming, and it was the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen. I couldn’t look away. Something about her presence, the grace and joy in her movements, stirred something deep inside of me. At that moment, I knew I had to try it for myself.

Swimming became my world. It brought me a joy I hadn’t known before—a feeling of connection to something outside of myself that felt complete inside. I found a piece of myself in that water, and for years, it became a constant source of fulfillment.

Yet, as I reached a certain level of skill, I found myself at a crossroads. I was eighteen, faced with a choice: Should I keep swimming at an elite level, or follow a “normal” path, going to college and pursuing a “real” career like everyone else? Society made it clear which path was practical and expected, and I felt an unspoken pressure to comply.

Ultimately, I chose the “safe” option. I quit swimming and studied to become a registered nurse. For a while, I felt proud of my decision. Nursing is fulfilling work, and I was recognized by others as someone with purpose, even as a “hero.” I had stability, respect, and everything I thought I was supposed to want.

But there was something else there, too—a quiet emptiness that I couldn’t ignore. It was a gnawing feeling, like I’d left a piece of myself behind, a piece I couldn’t get back. Despite the appreciation I received as a nurse, I felt a deep, lingering question: Is this all there is?

In the hopes of filling that gap, I decided to try something completely different. I began training in aerial arts, just for fun. But soon enough, “just for fun” grew into something more. Aerial arts opened up a part of me I had shut away—the part of me that felt fully alive. And the more I trained, the more I realized that I wanted this for real. My passion was strong enough that, in my thirties, I received a contract as a professional circus performer.

For the first time since my swimming days, I felt whole. But with this new identity came new judgments and doubts. I was no longer seen as a nurse with a “real” career but as a dreamer. People couldn’t understand why I’d left a stable job with a retirement plan to fly high on silks. I began to question my purpose… again!

Then, one day, I noticed something powerful. I’d grown used to seeing the delight on children’s faces in the audience, but as I looked closer, I saw the same spark of joy in the eyes of adults. I realized that I was offering something important, something they didn’t get to experience often. I was giving them a moment to feel wonder, to escape the weight of their daily routines.

In that moment, I saw my purpose clearly—I was there to bring joy, not just to children, but to everyone watching.

Years later, I married and had two beautiful children, a joy unlike any other. But as I adjusted to my new life, I found myself struggling again with that same emptiness, though now it was tinged with guilt. I had so much to be grateful for—a loving family, two amazing kids. How could I feel this way? I was thousands of miles away from my family and community, exhausted and trying to survive the challenges of motherhood. I knew I was losing myself again. I could feel it.

My husband noticed the heaviness in me, and one day, he brought me a gift: a set of paintbrushes and a blank canvas. He encouraged me to try something new, to see if it might help me reconnect with myself. I hadn’t painted since childhood, and I had no idea if it would help, but I picked up the brush. That one small act rekindled something in me that I thought was gone. For the first time in years, I felt excited, inspired, and awake.

Painting became my new way of following joy, and as I created art, I felt my purpose deepening. I was bringing beauty into the world, creating pieces that I could share that might spark joy in someone else. Art allowed me to process my own emotions and express my inner world, which made me feel whole again.

Reflecting on this journey, I realize that joy has been my compass all along. Life can take us on unexpected paths, and sometimes, society’s expectations steer us away from our true calling. But when we listen to that inner voice, when we follow what brings us joy, we find a direction that feels right—even if it doesn’t make sense to everyone else.

Here are a few insights I’ve gathered along the way:

Joy can be a powerful guide.

If we let it, joy can show us where we need to go, even when the path isn’t clear. It’s worth listening to that pull and letting it be our compass.

Embracing change can lead to fulfillment.

Choosing joy often means stepping into the unknown. It can mean letting go of what’s “practical” and taking a risk on something uncertain. But each change brought me closer to who I am meant to be.

Life’s journey sometimes brings us full circle.

I started with swimming, returned to performance in a new way, and finally found a place in art. Sometimes, joy leads us back to things we once loved but left behind. When we accept that, we open ourselves up to growth and fulfillment.

Looking back, I’m grateful for the courage it took to keep listening to my intuition. It led me through nursing, aerial performance, and eventually, to the canvas, each step revealing more of who I am. I’ve learned that when we allow ourselves to pursue joy—whatever that looks like—we move closer to the life we’re meant to live.

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About Josie.Ane Sakura

Josie.Ane Sakura is an artist and certified yoga teacher who uses painting to bring beauty and joy into the world. Joining art and wellness is deeply important to her, as she believes creativity and healing are intertwined. Connect with Josie at heartsyourlife.com.

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4 Lessons I Learned from Leaving a Toxic Relationship

“It takes strength and self-love to say goodbye to what no longer serves you.” ~Rumi

I promised myself at a young age that when I got married, I was not going to get divorced, no matter what! My parents had divorced when I was five, and I knew that I didn’t want to put my kids through what I’d experienced as a child who grew up in a “broken” family. I wanted my kids to know what it was like to live in a house with both their parents present and involved in their lives.

So, when I found myself seven years into my marriage, sitting in a therapist’s office wondering if my husband and I were going to make it, I had no idea what I would be facing if I had to navigate life, let alone parenthood, without my husband. How does one break free from emotional and verbal abuse without it permanently affecting who they are as a person?!

All I could think about at the time was my three beautiful girls, who deserved to have happy parents in a happy home living a happy life!

From the outside, our lives looked that way, but our reality was nothing of the sort. The yelling, the name-calling, the threatening, the withholding, and the verbal and emotional abuse were taking their toll on all of us until one day, after five years of trying to make it work, I had had enough.

The night I will never forget, almost twelve years into my marriage, we were all sitting at the dinner table, and like every time before, with no warning, a switch flipped, and the yelling began. But this time, I packed up my things and I left. And this would be the last time I would leave; after the three attempts prior, I was lured back with promises that everything would be okay and we would make it work, but this time was different. I didn’t go back.

Okay, I was out; now what?! Little did I know that leaving would be the easy part. Some of the most trying and challenging times of my life happened after I was able to finally break free. But I didn’t know that learning how to love myself again and believe that I was worthy of good things was going to be the real challenge, especially after what I’d faced.

The storms that happened once my marriage was over would shake me to my core. One particular time was when my middle daughter, only thirteen at the time, was able to find her way down to Tennessee from central Wisconsin without anyone knowing where she was or if we’d be able to find her.

My daughter despised me for breaking up her family and wanted to get as far away from me as she possibly could, even if it meant entrusting strangers to drive her in a car for fifteen hours while they made their way to Tennessee. Waking up the next morning after she vanished and reading the “goodbye” note she’d left on her bed, I honestly did not know if I would ever see her again.

To say I was in panic mode would be an understatement for how I felt during the next twenty-four-plus hours while we—my parents, my friends, my siblings, the police, and even strangers—attempted to find my daughter. I can think of no worse feeling in the world than that of a mother who is on the verge of or has just lost her son or daughter. I wondered, “How can this be happening? Haven’t we already been through enough?”

Exactly twenty-six hours after my daughter had found her way into that stranger’s vehicle, I received a phone call from a deputy in a county in Tennessee saying they had found her. Thank you, Lord, was all I could think—someone is watching over us!

I realized then it was time to figure out how to love myself again and heal from my divorce so I could be more present for my daughters.

Are there things I would have done differently? Absolutely! But you can’t go back and change the past; the only thing you can do is learn from it and do your best not to make the same mistakes going forward.

The best thing I did for myself was sign up for a subscription that gave me access to hundreds of workout programs I could do from home (since I was the sole provider of my daughters at the time). As I completed the programs, I saw improvements in not only my body but also my frame of mind, which pushed me to want to be better and do better with each one after that—not just for me but for my girls also!

Being able to push through tough workouts and seeing that I could do hard things that produced positive results helped build my confidence at a time when I needed it most! This newfound confidence boost encouraged me to keep pushing forward, even in the eye of the multitude of storms I was facing, which allowed me to start to heal.

The workouts were just the beginning for me. Ultimately, they led me on a path that would help me discover how to love myself again.

When I left my now ex-husband, I had no idea what I would be faced with until I was finally able to break free for good. But now that I have been out and have been able to transform my mind and love my life again, I realize just how incredibly powerful some of these lessons that I’ve learned truly are.

1. Forgiving is the first step to healing. 

A lot of people believe that forgiveness means you are condoning someone’s behavior, but that is not at all what you are doing when you forgive. Forgiveness is intentionally letting go of negative feelings, like resentment or anger, toward someone who has done you wrong.

Choosing to forgive when you’re ready means that you are making a conscious and deliberate choice to release the feeling of resentment and/or vengeance toward the person who has harmed you, regardless of whether or not you believe that person deserves your forgiveness.

You forgive to allow yourself to move on from the event, which also allows you to fully heal from it.

2. Mindset matters.

Your thoughts shape your reality, so if you think you don’t deserve good things, you won’t be able to attract them into your life.

When in a toxic environment, negativity has a way of clouding your judgment, which makes breaking free more difficult. But once you leave and start focusing on a growth mindset and optimism, everything changes. When you focus on the good, the good gets better. This is the foundation of how I rebuilt my life after breaking free from the toxicity of my marriage.

3. It’s crucial to listen to your gut.

Ignoring your intuition leads to situations you regret more times than not. Learning to trust my inner voice, the one that whispers to me when something isn’t right, has been my greatest guide to making better choices.

4. Positive change starts with self-love.

Self-love is not just a buzzword. It’s the armor you wear against people who try to break you down. It’s telling yourself that you deserve better, even if you don’t fully believe it yet, and taking action to create better, even if it’s just one tiny step.

For me, self-love started when I left my abusive ex-husband and then grew when I started taking care of my body. Sometimes even the smallest act of self-care can help us feel more confident in our worth.

If you’ve been in an abusive relationship too, remember—you can rebuild and thrive in a life you love!

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About Kristine Homann

Kristine Homann is an RN and Mindset coach who specializes in helping men and women recover from life’s toughest moments so they can break free from survival mode and thrive in a life they truly love. With a passion for helping others rediscover their strength, Kristine shares strategies rooted in personal experience and certifications to empower people to believe in themselves and their abilities. Check out her free Guide Mindset Mastery HERE or at youquest.live.

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The Real Cost of Living Through a Screen: Breaking Free from Social Media Addiction

“Never hold yourself back from trying something new just because you’re afraid you won’t be good enough. You’ll never get the opportunity to do your best work if you’re not willing to first do your worst and then let yourself learn and grow.” ~Lori Deschene

“I’m sorry, what did you say?” I asked my mother for the third time during our lunch together.

She sighed, put down her fork, and said something that still haunts me: “I’ve gotten used to competing with your phone for your attention.”

I looked down at my phone, Instagram still glowing on the screen, and saw myself through her eyes: a twenty-nine-year-old man more invested in strangers’ lives than his own mother’s stories.

I’m not alone in this struggle.

Studies show the average person spends two and a half hours daily on social media, with 210 million people worldwide believed to suffer from social media addiction.

But statistics didn’t matter to me until I saw how my own addiction was unraveling the fabric of my life.

How My Freelance Dreams Almost Died in My Social Media Feed

My freelance business was crumbling, one scroll at a time. What started as “just checking Twitter for networking” turned into a daily nightmare of missed deadlines and disappointed clients.

One morning, I opened my inbox to find three separate messages from clients asking about overdue projects. Was it that I was overpromising or improperly managing my time?

The truth was painful: I’d spent too much time consuming other freelancers’ “success stories” on LinkedIn, taking away from doing the work to create my own.

My portfolio website sat untouched for months while I obsessed over others’ perfectly curated project showcases.

A long-term client who’d promised to refer me to his network quietly stopped responding to my emails after I delivered their project a week late.

Projects that should have taken three focused hours stretched into two distracted days, filled with anxiety and self-doubt.

Facing the Real Person Behind the Screen

After losing an important client for “not meeting expectations,” I was forced to face an uncomfortable truth: Social media wasn’t my problem—it was my symptom.

I was using other freelancers’ highlight reels as a form of self-sabotage.

Every “hustle harder” and “how I made $10,741 last month” post became an excuse to stay paralyzed in comparison mode.

Rather than pitching new clients, I’d spend hours studying other freelancers’ portfolios. Instead of improving my skills, I’d scroll through Twitter threads promising “Ten secrets to six-figure freelancing.”

The harder truth?

My social media addiction was masking a deeper fear: the fear of actually putting myself out there and risking real failure. It was easier to live vicariously through others’ success stories than write my own.

Every time I felt the anxiety of an approaching deadline or the uncertainty of reaching out to new clients, I’d reach for my phone. The temporary escape of scrolling had become my security blanket.

My wake-up call came through numbers I couldn’t ignore: I had spent 458 hours on social media in the past three months—enough time to have completed a skills boot camp, started writing a book, or acquired several new professional certifications.

Instead, I had nothing to show for those hours except an intimate knowledge of strangers’ business journeys.

Building a New Foundation

My initial changes were small but significant:

• I moved my phone to another room during work hours.
• I created a “fear list” documenting what I was really avoiding when I reached for social media.
• I set up website blockers during my designated deep work hours.
• I established a morning routine that began with action, not consumption.

The most powerful change was implementing what I call the “Create Before Consume” rule: I wasn’t allowed to look at any social media until I’d created something of value that day—whether that was client work, improving my skills, or building my own business.

Each time I felt the urge to check social media, I asked myself, “Am I using this as a tool, or am I using it as an escape?” The answer was uncomfortable but transformative.

Nine times out of ten, I was avoiding something important—a challenging project, a difficult client conversation, or the nagging feeling that I wasn’t living up to my potential.

The shift from passive consumer to active creator wasn’t just about productivity—it was about reclaiming my identity as a professional.

Each focused hour became a small victory, each completed project a testament to what I could achieve when I stopped hiding behind my screen.

The Thirty-Day Journey That Changed Everything

I decided to change my relationship with social media rather than avoiding it. First, I had to rewire my brain to stop associating every free moment with reaching for my phone.

Instead of mindlessly scrolling, I trained myself to pause and reflect on why I was opening an app in the first place. Was it out of boredom, habit, or genuine intention?

Here’s what happened during my thirty-day detox.

Week 1: The Withdrawal Was Physical

I started keeping a journal of the moments I reached for my phone.

One entry reads: “Reached for phone forty-seven times before noon. Feel empty, anxious. Why is sitting with my own thoughts so terrifying?”

Week 2: Rediscovering Lost Connections

I called my mother—actually called her, not just liked her Facebook posts. We talked for two hours. She told me stories about her childhood I’d never heard before. “This is the first real conversation we’ve had in years,” she said.

Week 3: The Productivity Breakthrough

After being unmotivated for a couple of weeks, I discovered I could complete work in three hours that previously took all day.

My clients noticed the change. One of them even told me, “Great work! It’s clear whatever you’re doing is working—keep it up!”

Hearing that feedback reaffirmed just how powerful it can be to take control of your digital habits.

Week 4: Finding Real Joy in Self-Development

The most profound change came when I replaced mindless scrolling with intentional learning.

I committed to reading “Deep Work” by Cal Newport. The irony wasn’t lost on me—I’d saved that book to my “to read” list months ago, right between watching productivity TikToks and Instagram tutorials.

For the first time in years, I experienced what true focus felt like.

I started each morning with two hours of uninterrupted learning. Instead of scrolling through LinkedIn success stories, I was creating content and completing projects of my own.

Breaking Free: What Actually Works

Through my journey, I discovered some counterintuitive truths about breaking social media addiction:

1. Cold turkey doesn’t work long-term. Instead, create “social media hours,” designated times when you allow yourself to check platforms.

2. Replace virtual connections with real ones. I now have “coffee dates” with friends instead of messenger chats.

3. Practice mindful usage: Before opening any social media app, I ask myself, “What am I seeking right now?” Usually, it’s connection, validation, or escape from uncomfortable emotions.

4. Create before consuming. I spend my mornings writing or creating rather than scrolling through others’ creations.

The Ongoing Journey

Six months later, I still use social media but differently.

I’ve rebuilt relationships I nearly lost.

Most importantly, I’m present in my own life.

The real revelation wasn’t about social media being inherently bad—it was about how easily we can lose ourselves in the virtual world while the real one passes us by.

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About Montrez Williams

Montrez Williams is a digital wellness writer and former educator who is passionate about exploring how technology impacts mental health. He writes about overcoming social media addiction and using technology to enhance productivity, offering practical insights to help people cultivate healthier digital habits.

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